


Being Brave

by jess_louisee_1995



Category: Berena - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-07 07:05:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 28,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11618475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jess_louisee_1995/pseuds/jess_louisee_1995
Summary: When Serena Campbell's daughter Elinor is diagnosed with leukaemia, her world comes crashing down. It's her worst nightmare come true. She tells Elinor that being brave is the most important thing- but when her path crosses with Dr Bernie Wolfe, will Serena be able to do the very same thing she's been preaching to her daughter all this time?





	1. Diagnosis

Watching her daughter skip across the playground, arm in arm with her best friend, Serena Campbell struggled to fight back the tears. Her daughter didn't have a care in the world- she didn't understand any of what was going on- Ellie was such a bright and happy child. She had such an infectious personality that you couldn't help but fall in love with. 

Well almost everyone. Her mother's own partner refused to acknowledge her existence half the time. Serena had been with Robbie for three years and she'd regretted it almost as soon as they'd become engaged. Slipping an engagement ring on her finger should have felt wonderful, but it didn't, it felt like handcuffs. 

When Elinor's dad had died, Serena had struggled both financially and emotionally. She'd lost her husband and her daughter had lost her father. She'd gone from grieving for him to hating him, she found out he had been having an affair for the last two years of his life, with a woman named Liberty. Broken and exhausted, Serena had been at a low point when she'd met Robbie, promising her security and a stable future.

A successful property developer, he had done just that. She'd thought only of doing what she had to.for her daughter. She didn't love Robbie. Getting engaged had been a mistake, Serena knew it, she just didn't have anywhere else to go. 

As she watched Elinor and Charlotte approach the car, Serena wiped her eyes. She wouldn't let her little girl see her cry.  
'Hi Mum' Elinor hugged her mum tight, her plait brushing Serena's shoulder. Serena hugged her back for a minute before she released her.  
'Hi Charlotte, how are you?'  
'I'm okay thankyou Serena. Natalie is on her way to pick me up'  
'No Mum?'  
'No, she's working again.'  
'That is a shame. I would love to meet her one day. Normally I would offer to wait with you, but Elinor and I have somewhere we need to be'  
'That's okay. I will be okay on my own'

Elinor hugged Charlotte goodbye and got into he car beside her Mum. She pulled a goofy face at her best friend, as Serena put the car into gear and drove off towards their appointment.

*********************  
'Thank you for coming in to see me so quickly Miss Campbell. As I explained, we have had the results back from the sample of bone marrow that we took a fortnight ago'  
'And?'  
'I am sorry to say that it isn't good news. Elinor has acute lymphoblastic leukaemia'  
'My baby had cancer? Are you sure?'  
'Unfortunately yes. I wish it was better news'  
'Is she going to die?'  
'It would be impossible for me to say. 98% of children with Elinor's type of leukaemia go into remission within weeks of receiving treatment and 90% of those children can be cured. There is a chance of relapse but that is considerably lower at 25%.'  
'So, she could make a full recovery?'  
'That is a possibility Miss Campbell yes'  
'So, what happens now?'

'Elinor will need a course of chemotherapy known as remission induction. The aim of this is to kill most of the lukaemic cells off which allows the normal blood cells to be produced again. Depending on how quickly Elinor responds, the chemotherapy can go for upto eight weeks'  
'And then what?'  
'Then we move onto the consolidation phase, but lets not worry about that for now. Our priority is to get Elinor booked in for chemotherapy as soon as possible. Could you come with me? There is someone I'd like you to meet.'

In a daze, Serena followed Mr Levy down the corridor and onto the paediatric ward. Elinor was happily playing with the nice Nurse Fletcher, completely oblivious that she was about to fight for her life. 

Mr Levy knocked on the door and then held it open for Serena. She took note of a blonde woman sat behind a desk.  
'Miss Campbell, this is Ms Bernie Wolfe. She will be handling Elinor's care from now on'  
'Hello' Bernie extended her hand, which Serena shook.  
'Hi. Are you the person who's going to make my little girl well again?'  
'I am going to try my best Miss Campbell, I promise'


	2. Advice

Serena opened the door to the house. Robbie's car was on the drive so Elinor knew what to do. She was banished upstairs when he was here- Robbie wanted nothing to do with her. Serena knew he would be angry today, because she wasn't at home when he got back. 

Ms Wolfe seemed nice. She had met Elinor and commented on.how lovely her hair was, before running through the details of Elinor's chemotherapy with Serena. She would be starting on Monday, straight after school. Bernie had given Serena leaflets for the support agencies, but Serena had no intention of using them. She would deal with this the way she dealt with everything else- alone. She fingered the card in her pocket, containing Bernie's number. She had passed it Serena, telling her not to hesitate to call if she had any concerns or questions.

'Serena! Get in here now!' Robbie's voice interrupted Serena's thoughts. Sighing, she took off her shoes- that was a rule- and went into the living room. He was sat on the sofa, with a thunderous expression on his face.  
'Where have you been? You're over an hour late. What's your excuse?'  
'I told you yesterday where I was. I've been at the hospital'  
'And you also said you'd be back straight afterwards'  
'I did...'  
'Don't lie to me Serena.'  
'I...I'm not. The appointment went on longer,.I swear'  
'Liar!'

Robbie picked up his scotch glass and threw it against the wall. The glass smashed and Serena jumped. Everytime he was like this, he would apologise but it never stopped.

Robbie picked the dustpan up from it's holder and threw it to Serena. She cleared up after him, like she always did. She hated his confrontational episodes, but nothing she did was ever good enough.

'So, what's wrong with the brat?'  
'Don't call her that, and do you.really care?'  
'Not really, but I have a right to know'  
'She's got leukaemia. She starts chemo on Monday'  
'Right...well you know the rules. If it doesn't involve me, I don't want to see it or hear about it'  
'Robbie, she's got cancer?'  
'And?'

Serena shook her head sadly as she went into the kitchen. Dumping the shards of glass in the bin, she had to admit she was struggling to keep it together. Elinor was her baby girl. Why her? What had she done wrong?

She went back into the living room, returning the dustpan to its home, when she noticed the suitcase by the sofa.  
'Are you going somewhere?'  
'Dublin. I will be back on Tuesday. You are staying in all weekend yes?'  
'Yes'  
'Good, because this place needs a clean. You and the brat might like to live in a tip, but I have standards'  
'Don't call her that'

Robbie grabbed Serena's wrists, digging his fingers in and twisting them uncomfortably.  
'Oww...Robbie that hurts...oww'  
'Serena, I need you to understand what I have done for you and your darling of a daughter. I could have had anyone, but I chose you. Because you were special and needed looking after. What were you?'  
'S...special'  
'That's my girl. Now, I expect this house to be sparkling when I get back. Do we understand each other?'  
'Y...y..yes'  
'Good'

Robbie released Serena's wrists, picked up his case and left, slamming the door behind him. Serena sank into the sofa, cradling her wrists. Why was he so.cruel? Was it her, did she have this affect on men? Was this really best.for Elinor? 

Elinor. The light of her life- her very reason for existence. Serena still couldn't comprehend that her baby had cancer. She couldn't lose her. 

'Mum?' Elinor appeared in the doorway. She'd heard the door slam and knew it was safe to come out of her room.  
'Hey...' Serena wiped her eyes and patted the cushion next.to her. Elinor ran over and perched next to Serena.  
'Mum...can I ask you something?'  
'Of course you can sweetheart, anything'  
'Am I...am I going to die?'  
'Die? No, of course not. You're just poorly darling and need to go to hospital for medicine. Remember Bernie?'  
'The lady who liked my hair?'  
'Yes. She's going to make you better.'  
'Okay. I like her'  
'I do too. Darling, you're going to have to try being brave when we go to.hospital. Okay?'  
'I'll try my best Mum, I promise'  
'That's my.girl'

Serena kissed her daughters forehead, her heart silently breaking. She couldn't lose her daughter- Ellie was her reason for living. Bernie seemed like she was a good doctor, could she save Elinor? Serena had to trust that she could.

But over the coming weeks, it wouldn't be just Elinor who Bernie would help save. As their paths continually cross, the borders between professionalism and personal would be blurred. Could Serena be brave enough to grab the chances she would have? Or was she simply too.broken to listen to her own advice

Of being brave...


	3. Secrets and Shocks

Serena was determined to make the most of the weekend while Robbie was away. She would tackle the housework tomorrow night when Elinor was in bed- nothing was going to spoil this precious time she had with her daughter. After this weekend, Elinor would be having.chemotherapy three times a week- she knew nothing would be the same again so she should crave normality while she.still had it. Ellie had asked if Charlotte could stay over. Serena had happily agreed, knowing the two of them were practically joined at the hip. 

The door knocked and Ellie ran to get it, knowing exactly who it would be.  
'Charlotte!'  
'Ellie!'  
The two girls wrapped their arms around each other, acting like it was 24 years since they'd seen each other not 24 hours. For a moment they were a mass of brown hair, wide eyes and giggles. 

'Hi Serena'  
'Hi Natalie, how are you?'  
'I'm good thanks, yourself?'  
'I'm okay thanks'  
'Good'  
'So, what time are you collecting her tomorrow? Because she's more than welcome to stay for dinner if it helps'  
'I won't actually be picking her up. Sunday is my day off. Her mum will collect her around lunchtime. I gave her your address'  
'It will be good to finally meet her Mum. Thanks Natalie'  
'No worries. Any problems today, give me a ring. Behave yourself Charlotte, and I'll see you on Monday'  
'Bye Natalie'

Serena shut the door behind Natalie, before putting a smile on her face and going into the living room.  
'So, who wants to make fairy cakes for after tea later?'  
'I do, I do. Please.Serena, pick me'  
'We can both make them. We went to the shops this morning. I'm the best at making them right Mum?'  
'Well, I'm sure Charlotte will be just as good'

'Well I have never made cakes before Serena'  
'Hasn't your Mum ever made them with you?'  
'No. I don't see her that much because she's always working. Sundays are the best, it's just Mum and me. We play games, watch films and we sometimes go swimming'  
'I love swimming. Mum never takes me because she doesn't like water'  
'My mum is taking me next week. You can come too Ellie'  
'Well let me talk to your mum first Charlotte. Come on let's go and make these cakes. If you're lucky, Elinor might let you lick out the bowl.'

*********************************************

Before they all knew it, the next day arrived. Charlotte's mum would be here any minute. Her daughter was so smiley and happy today. Serena had never known her daughter out of bed before nine o'clock at the weekend, but with Charlotte here they'd both been awake at seven.

They'd made.cakes and had pizza- Elinor and Charlotte shared the same.favourite topping. They'd.devoured an.entire jumbo pepperoni pizza trying to outdo the other. They'd fallen asleep in Elinor's room later than usual. Elinor didn't want Charlotte to go home.

The doorbell rang and Serena went to the door. Opening the door, she stood perplexed, for standing on the doorstep was someone she certainly wasn't expecting to see.  
'Ms Wolfe, what are you.doing here?'  
'Miss Campbell...ah, I had no idea'  
'No idea about what?'

'Hi Mum' Charlotte appeared in the doorway and threw her arms around her Mum. As Bernie embraced Charlotte, Serena stood watching them awkwardly. Then Bernie straightened up and made eye contact with Serena. Serena suddenly felt strange. She got goosebumps on her arms as she and Bernie stood on the doorstep, not knowing what to do or say next.


	4. Butterflies

After a lengthy pause, Serena held the door open and let Bernie into the house. Bernie saw the shoes all in.the rack.  
'Should I take my shoes off?'  
'I don't mind. My partner doesn't like any shoes on his parquet flooring, so...'  
'It's okay, I'll take them off. I don't want to cause a row'  
'He's not here, he's in Dublin, but thank you  
'No problem' Bernie took.off her shoes, placing them in the rack.

Serena returned Bernie's smile, wondering why she felt so helpless and nervous. Bernie was only here to collect her daughter. Why hadn't she known Bernie was Charlotte's mum? Would this affect Elinor's care?

'I had no idea about this you know' Bernie interrupted Serena's thoughts, seemingly knowing what she was thinking about.  
'Does this affect Ellie's treatment?'  
'No, why would it? We haven't any need to change it, unless you think it could be a problem'  
'No, not at all Ms Wolfe'  
'You can call me Bernie'  
'And I'm Serena. What.do.I.call you at the hospital tomorrow?'  
'Bernie if you like. I only get called Berenice by my mum'

Serena smiled and showed Bernie through to the kitchen. Serena had prepared the dinner and the aroma filled the kitchen.  
'You have a lovely home Serena'  
'No I don't'  
'Why?'  
'Cause it's not mine. Nothing is mine, I...' Serena stopped mid sentence, wondering why she was opening up to this woman who she'd only met twice.  
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask that. It's none of my business'  
'No, it's fine. Just you probably have better things.to do than listen to me moan'  
'Well....I have.to be getting Charlotte home. Need to get the dinner on. I'm not as prepared as you'  
'If you want, you are both more than welcome to stay here.for dinner. There's more than enough to go around. I know the girls would love it, and who knows when they'll be able to see each other again with you know...the chemo'  
'I would love to, if you're sure you don't mind.'  
'Not at all'

**********************************************

'Well that was lovely. Thank you'  
'It's okay. It was no trouble. It was nice to have some company.'  
'What about your partner, Ellie's dad?'  
'Robbie isn't Ellie's dad. Edward was killed in a car accident five years ago'  
'Oh...I'm so sorry'  
'It's okay Bernie'

There was silence as Bernie washed up the dinner things. She'd made Serena promise to let her clear up as she'd cooked. The girls were upstairs. 

Serena stood watching Bernie for a moment, before drifting away into the living room. Why was she telling Bernie all this. She had no words, but she felt like she could trust her. Because Bernie seemed to know what to say- probably because she was a doctor. 

'Is everything okay Serena?' Bernie was in front of her watching intently.  
'Yes. Everything is fine. Why do you ask?'  
'I seem to be putting my foot in it with the questions. I just assumed Robbie was Elinor's dad'  
'It's alright honestly. I'm just worried about Ellie's treatment tomorrow. I don't know what to do'  
'Just be there. That's all you and Robbie can do.'  
'Robbie won't be.coming. He.doesn't care'  
'I am sure he will.Serena, if you let him'

Serena sat on the sofa, pulling a hand through her hands through her hair. Bernie hovered awkwardly for a moment, before perching on the cushion next.to her.  
'He.doesn't care Bernie. He never has. He.told me he.doesn't want to see or hear about it. It's his rules'  
'Rules?'  
'Yes, I feel like it's my fault, cause he hates her. He hates me. I bet Charlotte's dad is wonderful with her'  
'I wouldn't know. He left me when she was 2. Marcus is a waste of time and energy.'  
'Men hey?'  
'Who needs them?'  
'I'm sorry, I just assumed you were with...Marcus'  
'It's okay, don't be sorry. I'm not'  
'You're daughter is a credit to you. She's so intelligent and poilte'  
'I feel like I'm failing her. I work so much, I never see her.'  
'She doesn't mind. She told me all about your Sundays. She even invited Ellie along to when you go swimming'

Bernie chuckled, raking a hand through her messy blonde hair.  
'Well, when shes better, Ellie is more than welcome to join us. You both are'  
'I don't swim. I hate water. You think Ellie will get better?'  
'I have every confidence Serena. I will most definitely do everything I can, especially now'  
'Now?'  
'Now I know how much your daughter means to Charlotte. And because she's your daughter Serena'  
'Bernie, I don't know what to say. Thank You. I haven't been the best mother to her, I've failed her so many times, but I can't lose her'

Bernie reached over and touched Serena's leg with her hand.  
'I promise you won't lose her Serena. You haven't failed her. You and Ellie have the relationship I wish I had with Charlotte. You're a brilliant mother- please believe me. Ellie will be fine, I know it'

Serena stared at Bernie through a mass of tears, about to reply when Elinor and Charlotte appeared in the doorway.  
'Mum, I'm ready to go'  
Bernie leapt off the sofa and went to the door.  
'Charlotte, what do.you say to Serena for having you?'  
'Thank you Serena. I had a nice time'  
'You're more than welcome sweetheart. You're welcome here any time'  
'Thank you'

'Right, lets go. I'll see you both tomorrow. Serena, thank you for dinner. Charlotte say bye'  
Charlotte threw her arms around Elinor, as Serena and Bernie tried to avoid each other's eye. After Charlotte withdrew, Bernie grabbed Charlotte by the hand and lead her out the door, without looking back. 

Serena watched her go, staring through the open door. What had just happened? Had she and Bernie just shared a moment? 

Bernie got into her car and stared out the window for a moment. Why had she touched Serena's leg? What was she trying to achieve? Had she just shared a moment of connection and emotion with her daughters best friends mum? 

They both shook their heads dismissing the thoughts, but they couldn't dismiss the butterflies they had both felt when they had been in physical contact with each other.

What would happen when they saw each other again?


	5. Lacking in Conviction

Serena took Elinor by the hand and took her into the paediatric ward. Today was the day she had been dreading- her baby girl was about to start the fight for her life. She'd tried to banish the thought from her head, but her mind refused to be deterred from the uncertainty lay ahead. 

She knew she couldn't think like that- everyone else seemed to think that Ellie had a fighting chance- Mr Levy and Ms Wolfe. Bernie. Serena had been nervous and apprehensive about seeing her after yesterday. Her butterflies hadn't quite alleviated overnight and she was waiting to see how todays events would play out.

She'd just come from the school- where she had been forced to fill them in on Elinor's condition. The last thing she wanted to do was tell people, but she knew she had to- Elinor wouldn't be in any state to go to school for a while. They had promised to support Elinor in her rehabilitation and reintegration when the appropriate time became convenient. 

'If it isn't my favourite patient...Elinor Campbell' Nurse Fletcher came over, waving his hand in greeting.  
'Hi Fletch'  
'Hi Serena, how are you?'  
'Nervous, but okay'  
'It's normal to be nervous. We're all ready to go if you are'  
'Okay'

Serena kneeled in front of Elinor, wrapping her arms around her, hugging her harder than she ever had. At that precise moment, Bernie returned to the ward. She stopped when she saw Serena hugging Elinor- it was clear they were clearly dependant on each other; she missed that relationship with her own daughter. 

'Sweetheart, today is going to be hard, but what did I say was the most important thing?  
'Being brave Mum. I promise I will try my best'  
'That's my girl'  
'Right, Ellie. Shall I show you to your special room?'  
'I have my own room'  
'Only the best for my favourite patient. Serena, why don't you grab a coffee or something? We'll be a few hours'  
'Umm....'  
'She can grab a coffee with me Fletch. I need to run through something with Serena anyway'

Hearing Bernie's voice, Serena turned around. She looked at her, and Bernie surprisingly met her eyes.  
'Is that okay with you Serena?'  
'Yes, that's fine'

Bernie and Serena watched as Fletch lead Elinor away. Serena felt some of her built up emotions leak out of her eyes. She didn't have to hold it any more. She wouldn't let her baby girl see her cry, but now she'd gone to take her turn at being brave, Serena suddenly didn't have to anymore. Then Bernie was at her side, gently touching her arm.

Serena, are you okay?'  
'Yes, yes I'm fine. Sorry'  
'You have nothing to apologise. A mother's love for her daughter is precious- believe me I know'  
'I am just scared this is the beginning of the end'  
'Don't worry about that now. You need to do this one day at a time. Now, shall we go and get a coffee? I'm parched'

**********************************************

The two of them sat for a while, nursing their coffees and digesting the uncomfortable silence. Serena knew she had to trust Bernie and her team, but it was hard. 

'So...Charlotte hasn't stopped talking about your house. She absolutely loved it' Bernie attempted some light conversation, and was rewarded with a small smile.  
'Serena, there is nothing you can do. Trust me- trust us.'  
'I do, it's just hard Ms Wolfe'  
'Bernie, what did I say yesterday?'  
'Sorry'  
'I wish you would stop apologizing, you don't need to'  
'I always apologise. I have to'  
'Is that what you do with Robbie?'

Serena fell silent at Bernie's question. She was always apologising to Robbie- but Bernie? Why was she so nervous around her?

'Serena?'  
'What?'  
'Are you okay?'  
'I'm fine Bernie'  
'No you're not Serena. You know you can talk to me, any time and not just about Elinor'  
'Thanks, I appreciate it. But I can handle it. I'm fine'  
'Well I'm here if you change your mind'  
'Thank you'

Serena dared to look at Bernie. The two of them locked eyes and they were frozen in time- just like yesterday on the doorstep. Then Bernie blinked and looked away.

'So...Ellie's chemo?'  
'Is there something worrying you?'  
'No, you said you wanted to run something by me?'  
'Oh that. Well there is, but I wanted to get you away from the ward for a while. I.could see how emotional the situation was making you'  
'Well, thank you'  
'What are friends for?'  
'Friends?'  
'Well, our daughters are best friends and I've had dinner at your place. I would say we were friends.'  
'I would too'

Bernie returned Serena's smile.  
'What I wanted to run by you was bringing Charlotte round to see Ellie at some point.'  
'Is Ellie going to be up to visitors?'  
'Yes, the side effects are manageable. Ellie will feel tired but I will tell Charlotte'  
'Well then, come round for dinner tonight'  
'Both of us?'  
'Yes. Robbie isn't back til tomorrow'  
'Okay then, thank you'  
'No problem'  
'I clock off at five, so we'll be at yours about six?'  
'Perfect'

Bernie's pager went off, and raised her eyebrows apologetically.  
'I'm needed back on the ward. Serena, I have to go'  
'What is it? Is it Ellie?'  
'No. Ellie's fine'  
'Are you sure?'

Bernie reached over and took Serena's hand in hers, squeezing reassurance.  
'Serena, I promise you. I would tell you if it was Ellie. Stop worrying. I'll try to catch you later, but if not, Charlotte and I will be over later. Stop worrying Serena, Ellie is a fighter- just like her mum'

Bernie gave Serena's hand one last squeeze and then went to get the lift. Her mind was whirring- why had she done that? Was she breaking the rules? No- she and Serena were friends and friends lean on each other in times of need. That's all she was doing- being a supportive friend.

Her mind was saying all these things, as if trying to convince herself it was innocent. But her heart knew better- it was flipping over. The butterflies were back. 

What was going on?


	6. I Care

Serena stood at the window, waiting for the car to pull up outside. Why was she acting like this? She was only having a friend and her daughter over for dinner. She was hoping Charlotte being here might brighten Ellie up.

The chemo had gone well according to Fletch. He'd said her body had responded well to the drugs and she'd managed to handle all of it. She was so proud of her little girl for being brave. Ellie was asleep upstairs now, Fletch had said it was expected. 

It was only half an hour ago she'd remembered that Bernie and Charlotte were coming over for dinner. She'd reluctantly left Elinor sleeping peacefully to get everything sorted. And now she was standing at the window watching and waiting for Bernie's car.

Why was she feeling so nervous? Why was her heart beating so fast? And why were the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, refusing to settle- they were still in her system after yesterday. Serena had been alarmed by the second flock of butterflies but she tried to convince herself it was nothing and that she was all over the place after Elinor's diagnosis.

A knock on the door interrupted Serena's thoughts. Spying Bernie's car over the road, she went and opened the door. Bernie and Charlotte on the doorstep. They both appeared somewhat nervous like they weren't sure what to expect.

'Hi'  
'Hi, how is Ellie doing?'  
'She's okay, just tired. I heard her TV so I think she is awake now. Do you want to go up Charlotte?'  
'Is Ellie okay Serena?'  
'She will be fine in time sweetheart. Your mum looked after her today'  
'My mum is good at looking after people'  
'Yes she is. Go on up, and I'll bring up your dinners'  
'Okay'

Charlotte bounded up the stairs two at a time, obviously desperate to see her best friend. Bernie watched her disappear and followed Serena into the living room.

'Drink?'  
'Yes, go on then. Thank you'  
'It's okay'  
Serena poured Bernie a glass and offered it to her. As Bernie took it, their hands met momentarily, causing a shock between them. Serena almost jumped at the touch.  
'Are you alright Serena?'  
'Yes, yes I'm fine'

Bernie had felt the current between them when they'd touched hands? What was developing between them? Was she leading Serena on? No, well at least she didn't think she was. Her mind was going ten to the dozen- why was she flustered? 

'So...is Ellie okay?'  
'Tired. She said she wanted to sleep. Fletch said it was normal'  
'He's right. The chemo will knock her immune system, so it will.wipe her out'  
'And side effects?'  
'They vary for each patient, but main ones are chronic fatigue, nausea and loss of appetite.'  
'How bad are they?'  
'Again it varies. Some children get none, some mild and some develop severe. Nothings certain, I wish I could help more'  
'You are helping, more than you know' Serena reached out, impulsively touching Bernie's arm.

Bernie looked at Serena's hand on her arm. She couldn't explain how she was beginning to feel- it was strange, but she was alarmed that she liked having Serena touching her arm. Panic rising in her, she sat down on the sofa. 

'I...uh...better get dinner dished up'  
'Do you want some help?'  
'Um...no thank you. Make yourself at...home. I won't be long'  
'Okay'

**********************************************

Dinner came and went. Elinor and Charlotte were upstairs watching Cinderella. Bernie had agreed they could watch a film but then they had to go. 

'They're almost like sisters don't you think?. Bernie asked,taking a sip from her second glass of wine.  
It's sweet. They really genuinely care for each other."  
"They're best friends,all friends care for each other."  
"I'm glad Ellie has Charlotte to help her through this. They say you're true friends reveal themselves in times of need."  
"That's is true. You're friends must be supportive,they can help you."  
"I..don't actually have any friends,sad and pathetic as it stands. Robbie doesn't me having friends. My place is being the chief cook and bottle washer. He says he saved me because I was special. I don't know. I've always been on my own,well I've had Ellie."  
"You're not on your own Serena not anymore. You've got a whole team at the hospital who will support and help you through this. You are so much more than a glorified housewife Serena. I know you're a brilliant mother first and foremost."

Serena drained the wine from her glass and sank back further into the sofa. She was feeling isolated and lonely. People at the hospital were nice enough, but they were just doing their jobs, they didn't really care.

Bernie watched Serena sink back from her eyeline and she turned to see her immersed in her thoughts. What must be running through her head now?

'Serena, are you alright?'  
'I was just thinking about what you said'  
'What did I say?'  
'About the team at the hospital. Their nice, but they're just doing their job. You're just doing your job. You don't need to care. I can manage on my own'

Bernie reached out and took Serena's hands before she even knew what she was doing.  
'You are not on your own. I'm not just doing my job Serena. I'm emotionally invested in this case. Personal connections are never easy, but I am invested. Believe me when I say, I care Serena. I care a lot.

Bernie really did care. It had hit her right there. Serena was about to reply when Charlotte appeared in the doorway.  
'Films finished Mum. Ellie's gone back to sleep. I'm tired. Can we go home?'  
'Of course we can. You have an early start tomorrow. Go and grab your stuff'  
'Okay'

Serena and Bernie got up off the sofa.  
'Thank you for dinner'  
'Its okay. Thank you for coming over'  
'You're welcome. Thank you for the invite. I'll uh..see you tomorrow'  
'Yeah. Robbie is back tomorrow, so I...'  
'It's okay. I understand'

Bernie was about to leave when she was struck by this overwhelming sense of compassion and care for the brunette. Suddenly, she enveloped Serena into a hug and pulled her close. Serena froze for a minute before clasping her hands behind Bernie's beck.

'I meant what I said Serena. I care, I care a lot'

Then she was in the hallway speaking softly. Then her and Charlotte were gone. Serena was stood rigidly with one thought ringing in her mind.

She cared as well.


	7. Trust and Outbursts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning- this chapter contains some violence.
> 
> Updated since my phone only uploaded half the text.

Elinor was in the treatment room receiving her chemo. Fletch had been to update her that they were keeping her in overnight. Just as a precaution. Ellie had been subdued this morning, but they had been expecting it- it was the side effects of the treatment. 

Serena hadn't minded the lack of conversation around the breakfast table. She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened last night between her and Bernie. Bernie had admitted she cared, but in what respect? As a doctor, friend or something more? Was it bad that Serena almost wished it was more?

She had been sat in the relatives room- her mind wandering constantly to last night. It didn't help she was exhausted. She'd blistered her hands raw from scrubbing til half past four this morning. Robbie was back later and she didn't want to make him angry. 

Bernie had been told by Fletch where Serena was. She'd been looking forward to seeing Serena. Bernie had come to realise that after her realisation last night, she cared deeply for Serena. She couldn't explain it- it had been unexpected, but she wanted to see more of Serena- and as more than a friend. 

'Hey'  
'Oh..hey'  
'Everything okay?'  
'Lot on my mind.'  
'Ellie is okay. Keeping her in overnight is just a precaution.'  
'No, I know. That's not what's on my mind'  
'Oh...'

Bernie walked in and closed the door behind her. Sitting opposite Serena, she studied her face intently, waiting for her to finish.

'Bernie...what I....I don't know where this has come from... but what I have on my mind....is....uh...you'  
'Really?' Serena heard the happiness in Bernie's voice, and sure enough when she dared to look up, she saw Bernie looking at her with wide eyes and an even wider smile.  
'Yes, really'  
'Serena,I...'  
'I....uh...need to ask you a question'  
'You can ask me anything'

'Yesterday, when....when you said you cared. Did... did you mean just about Ellie?  
'No. I meant you as well. I care about you, a lot.'  
'Bernie...'  
'My turn to ask a question.'  
'Okay...?  
'Do you care about me? As more than a friend?'  
'I think so.... this is so strange...but yes I do'  
'It's strange for me as well. This is all new for me Serena'  
'It's stranger for me. I've got...responsibilities'

Serena gestured with her hand, when Bernie captured her hand and began to examine it.  
'Serena...what have you done to your hand. Its blistered'  
'Oh...I was cleaning all night'  
'Why?'  
'Robbie expects the house clean when he gets home'  
'Serena...'  
'Bernie, don't, please don't'  
'Serena, he can't expect you to do everything. You'll run yourself ragged'  
'Bernie, please...'  
'Serena, why can't you admit what he makes you do? This is me. You can tell me anything'  
'I can't Bernie... leave it'  
'No I will not leave it. He has rules and expectations. Serena, it's not fair.'  
'Bernie, I don't know what you want me to do'  
'I want you to talk to me. Serena, I care about you. I'm worried about you. Please, talk to me'  
'I can't. Bernie, there's nothing to say'  
'There is Serena. You just can't bring yourself to admit it.'  
'You will look after Ellie tonight right?'  
'You know we will Serena'  
'That girl is my life Bernie. I'm trusting you with her'  
'You know you can trust me Serena. Why can't you trust yourself?'  
'I can't do this. I'll be back tomorrow to collect her.'  
'Serena...'

Serena grabbed her things and left the room. She couldn't open that can of worms with Bernie. This was her life, she'd made her bed, now she had to lie in it.

**********************************

Serena barely had time to close the door behind her before Robbie was shouting her.  
'Serena, get in here now.' 

She quickly hung up her.coat and took off her shoes, before sucking in a breath and pushing open the door to the living room.  
'Hello, how was your weekend?'  
'Don't start the niceties with me Serena. Where in God's name have you been?'  
'Driving'  
'Driving where?'  
'Just around.'  
'I bought you that car so you could run your brat too and from school, not to drive it for no reason'

Serena could see the nearly empty bottle of scotch. He was even nastier when he'd been drinking.

'I've been at the hospital all day Robbie. With Ellie. She's not a brat'  
'I will say what I like in my own house, you ungrateful bitch'  
'Robbie, please. Don't start. I hate arguing'  
'Well there wouldn't be any need to argue, if you just did what I told you too'  
'Robbie, please'  
'Robbie, please' he said in a cry baby tone, mimicking her. 

'Stop it! Robbie, why do you treat me like this? I don't deserve it. It's not fair. I'm wearing myself out looking after Ellie and everything'  
'Well that's easily solved. Send the brat away to boarding school. I'd only be too.happy to pay'  
'Send her away? I could never do that. Are you crazy?'

Serena didn't realise she had gone too far. Robbie's face darkened, and he got up off the sofa, knocking his glass over as he got up so abruptly. 

'What did you say to me?'  
'I didn't mean it. It was an accident'  
'Accident hey?'

Robbie suddenly slapped Serena across the face. So violent was it, that his ring gashed Serena's face and knocked her off her feet. Wounded and winded, she lay there crying. 

'That was an accident too.' 

Robbie walked out of the room and up the stairs, leaving Serena crying on the floor, thinking of Ellie and how she was glad that she wasn't here to witness it. 

Then her mind turned to Bernie. Should she tell Bernie? No, she couldn't. This was her fault, her choice. She'd have to deal with the consequences. She couldn't hold back the tears when she thought of Bernie and she lay there, crying even harder.


	8. Letting Your Guard Down

Bernie was sat in her office, trying to answer some emails but she was struggling to concentrate. She'd barely slept last night, tossing and turning, her mind wandering. Wandering over to Serena. 

Bernie had meant what said yesterday, she cared a lot for her and was deeply worried. Why couldn't Serena trust herself to open up and talk to her? Why couldn't she see that keeping it to herself was going to do no good. 

Bernie had no idea what Serena must be going through at the moment though. Elinor's diagnosis must be tearing her apart from the inside out, not to mention the pressure Robbie must be putting on her. And then there was her feelings towards Bernie. Bernie couldn't even begin to explain what she felt towards Serena, and if Serena was feeling the same, God help her.

Bernie knew she had a lot on her plate, but Bernie just wanted to know she was okay. She knew she hadn't been to see Elinor yet, and that was unusual. She knew how much Serena needed Ellie, so why hadn't she been here first thing? 

So many unanswered questions about what was going on between the two of them.

**********************************************

Serena stood outside the hospital, not sure she was brave enough to go in. Despite a heavy layer of make up, the mark on her cheek left by Robbie's ring was still visible. Was she ready for the looks and questions?

It wasn't the first time it had happened. Robbie always promised he would stop, but he never did. And the violence was getting out of control, each time he was more aggressive. What could she do? She was too ashamed to tell anyone, she would be judged and treated like a victim. People's pity was one thing she couldn't deal with.

And then there was Bernie. Serena had no idea what was going on with her. She knew she cared about her, as more than a friend, but she had so much more in her life to deal with- Ellie and her treatment, Robbie. Too many different emotions co existing in the tiny space of her brain, what could she do?

Serena knew Bernie only wanted to help, but she.couldn't bring herself to open that can of worms. She was afraid that when she told Bernie, Bernie would feel differently. And that scared her far more than anything Robbie could do to her- losing Bernie from her life for good. 

She'd coped with it all on her own, it was her coping mechanism, she could and would manage on her own. There was no other choice. Sucking in a breath, she went into the hospital.

**********************************************

Upon reaching the ward, she was greeted by Fletch, who told her that Ellie had had a good night. She was sleeping so Serena wandered around the ward, not really taking attention to where she was going, when she found herself outside Bernie's office. And then before she knew it, she'd knocked on the door.

'Come in'  
Oh sugar, she was in then. Could she turn and walk away? Why had she knocked at the door? This was a mistake. Wasn't it? What was she even doing here? Serena had no answers to any of the questions, and she stood staring at the floor for a few minutes hoping it would open and swallow her whole.

Deciding it was a mistake, she turned to leave, when she felt a familiar sensation on her arm. Bernie had wondered if someone was playing a trick on her, so she'd gone to investigate and saw Serena. She'd opened the door and grabbed her arm. 

'Serena...' hearing the way Bernie spoke her name, laced with affection made Serena go weak at the knees.  
'Bernie, I...'  
'Come in. Privacy is a privilege when you have your own office.'  
'I...uh....Ellie....'  
'She's asleep. Fletch will let me know when she's awake. Please..'  
'Okay'

Serena walked slowly into Bernie's office, her head down. But Bernie wasn't stupid. She noticed the mark that even the heavy layer of foundation couldn't disguise. She reached up and touched Serena's cheek, but Serena jumped and shuddered away from her.

'Serena.... what has he done to you?'  
'I.. don't know what you mean'  
'Serena, I can see the gash in your cheek. The gash that wasn't there last night. What happened?'  
'I...uh...I slipped in the shower'  
'No you didn't. Robbie did this, didn't he?'  
'Bernie, can we please not talk about it? It's fine...'

Bernie took a step closer to Serena, wanting more than anything to reach out her hands and wipe away her tears and worry.  
'Serena....you are most certainly not fine.... you don't have to be so strong and independent all the time.... this isn't easy.... for me I mean.... to sit back and watch you go through this.... you mean too much to me... please please, why won't you just talk to me?'  
'Because there's nothing to talk about. I'm fine'  
'No you are not fine Serena. I can see you're not. You don't have to pretend or push me away. It won't work. I'm too wrapped up in you and too worried about you not to dig deeper. I'm sorry, but I care too much about you'

Serena burst into tears, which was the last thing Bernie had been expecting. Suddenly she didn't care, she wrapped her arms around the sobbing brunette, enveloping her in a fierce hug.  
'It's okay. You're with me now. Everything is going to be okay, I promise'


	9. Unexplored Feelings

The next day saw a different side of Serena. She'd spent nearly half an hour sobbing in Bernie's arms yesterday, before she'd regained her composure. Still Serena couldn't trust herself to open up to Bernie, she thought it would make Bernie see her differently and that was more than she could handle. 

Elinor had been discharged and wasn't needed back until Monday. Not wanting to leave it that long until she was seeing Serena again, Bernie had invited her over on the next day. Thursday. There was an inset day at school and Natalie had been unable to change her plans, so Bernie had got the day off. She'd invited Serena and Ellie over so they could all spend the day together. Serena had gladly accepted knowing that Robbie was at work late, so he wasn't due home til after 8. 

The chemo was beginning to take it's toll on Ellie and Serena had been worried that she was putting her own happiness before Ellie's, but when Serena had asked Ellie about going, her face had lit up like a christmas tree, so there were no qualms on that front.

Bernie knew that Serena was struggling but she didn't care. All she wanted right now, was too spend as much time with her as possible to see if they could begin to understand and separate their feelings for one another. She was beginning to develop strong feelings for Serena, she knew that. She just couldn't wait to see her again, and found herself anxiously waiting for them to get here. 

When the doorbell rang, she ran over to the door. Bernie had been waiting for this since she'd got out of bed at 5am this morning, unable to hide her excitement. 

Opening the door, she saw Serena and Ellie on the doorstep. She let them in and unexpectedly got a hug from Ellie.  
'Hi Bernie'  
'Hello sweetheart. How are you feeling today? Any sickness?'  
'I was sick last night but today I'm okay. Just a bit tired. Where's Charlotte?'  
'Ah, she's in her bedroom. She has a surprise for you if you go on up'  
'Mum?' Ellie looked back at her mum, checking it was okay.  
'Go on darling. Remember what we said, the most important thing was throughout all of this'  
'Being Brave'  
'That's my girl. Charlotte is waiting for you, so go on. I'll be right down here with Bernie if you need me. And if you start to feel sick, you come and get me okay'  
'I promise'  
'Good girl'

Ellie walked slowly up the stairs and then disappeared into the bedroom. Serena and Bernie stood awkwardly for a minute, before Bernie wandered into the living room, beckoning Serena to follow her. 

'What's the surprise that Charlotte has for her?'  
'Oh, a best friend locket. One of those ones you break in half and wear a half each. She saw it online on Monday and I ordered it. It came this morning'  
'Oh that's sweet. You didn't have to'  
'I know but I wanted to'

Bernie sat on the sofa, patting the seat next to her for Serena, but Serena ignored her and sat in the chair opposite.  
'What's wrong?'  
'N...nothing'  
'Why did you sit over there?'  
'Is this not strange?'  
'What?'  
'This...whatever is going on between me and you. It feels so strange'  
'Strange in a good way I hope'  
'Yeah, it is just so strange. I...I can't seem to explain it'  
'You don't need to... not yet anyway... for now its enough to spend time with each other'  
'Bernie...'  
'Serena, its okay, I promise. Now, I'm gonna have a coffee, would you like one?'

*********************************************

'So, how were things with Robbie last night?' Bernie needed to know that Serena hadn't been involved in any other alterations with him.  
'He barely spoke to me, other than to.tell me what to make him for dinner'  
'How's the cheek?'  
'It's fine.'

When they'd come back from eating the lunch Bernie had made, Serena had got brave and sat on the sofa with Bernie. Bernie had been unable to hide her joy. Now she reached over, and caressed Serena's cheek with her hand. Last time Serena had shuddered away, this time she didn't. 

She sat there, her heart beating fast, feeling the gentle stroking of her cheek. Butterflies rose up again from the pit of her stomach. This felt so right. Here, in this moment with Bernie. Why did she never want this moment to end? Was she beginning to develop serious and deep feelings for Bernie?

Yes, she realised she was. 

Bernie continued to stroke Serena's cheek. She was so happy right now, why was that? She'd only known this woman 4 days but it felt like a lifetime. All she wanted was to spend every waking moment she could with her. Was she beginning to develop deep feelings for Serena?

Yes, she was. She knew it. 

After a few minutes, Serena shifted in her seat causing Bernie to cease caressing her cheek. But Serena sank back further in the sofa, moving closer to Bernie.  
'Is this okay?'  
'This'

Serena moved next to Bernie, and tentatively rested her head on Bernie's shoulder. Bernie froze for a moment, having not expected it, but then rested her head on top of Serena's, noting how they were fitting together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

'Yes, it is most definitely okay Serena'  
'Are you sure?'  
Bernie reached over with one hand and pulled Serena's hand into her lap.  
'Listen to me. It is most definitely okay. This, right now, I think it's the happiest I've ever been Serena.'  
'So....this...whatever is happening between.... us....it's more than...just a crush right?'  
'Yes, it's not a hopeless crush, cause believe me. I've had enough of those to know the difference. Whatever this is...us...it feels good...and right.'  
'And safe. I feel safe'  
'Good...because I would never hurt you Serena. I have...I think...what I mean is... I think I have feelings for you.... deep feelings'  
'I think I have too'  
'Really?'

Serena was about to reply when they heard someone thundering down the stairs.  
'Mum! Ellie's been sick!'

**********************************************

Ellie wasn't seriously sick, it was just the side effects of the chemo. She'd asked her mum if they could go and Serena reluctantly agreed. Now, here Bernie and Serena were hanging around awkwardly on the doorstep not sure what to say or do next

'Thank you for today. It's been one of the best days I've had in a long time Bernie'  
'You're more than welcome here any time. I mean that Serena. Today has been the best day I've had in a long time too'  
'So...I won't be around over the weekend. Robbie is at home and I...'  
'Serena, you don't need to be with him. Why don't you just leave him?'  
'Bernie, it's not that simple'  
'You don't love him do you?'  
'You know I don't'  
'So, why don't you just call it quits'

'Bernie, I can't. He'd go spare. He'd hunt me down and then I'd never be free'  
'So, where does that leave us?'  
'I don't know. I can't lose you Bernie, I just can't'

Bernie took.Serena's hands in her own.  
'You won't lose me. If you want me, want to be with me. Want to give us a chance, then you can. You can and I want you to with all my heart, but you're.going to have to take your.own advice'  
'What advice'  
'Being Brave. That's what you said to Ellie. That's what you're going to have to do. Be brave enough to walk away from Robbie. I know you can do it. You're braver than you know'

Serena suddenly kissed Bernie, swept away in the emotion of the moment. Bernie pulled Serena closer and they just stood there kissing on the doorstep, before Serena pushed her away.  
'Wow...' a breathless and happy Bernie began to grin.  
'I had to.do that. I'm sorry' Serena suddenly disappeared from sight, hurrying into her car. 

Bernie stood on the doorstep, staring after her, a huge wide grin on her face. Well that was unexpected.


	10. Backfiring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning, tales of domestic.violence

Everytime Bernie closed her eyes, she could see when Serena had kissed her. It played over and over again. She'd been so happy in that moment, but Serena had left her and gone back to Robbie. 

That was three days ago, and she hadn't heard anything from her since. She'd rang, left messages and text her countless times. Bernie had even driven over to her house on Friday after work, but had seen another car in the driveway so she had turned around and driven home. 

She was desperately worried about Serena, and she was missing her. Bernie had never felt like this about anyone before, if she was this overwhelmed by her feelings, what was Serena thinking? She had so much more going on, more than she could contend with, Bernie knew that. But she couldn't help the way she was feeling, she hadn't asked for any of this. But these feelings had come hard and fast, she knew she didn't have the strength to turn them away, not that she wanted to. 

Sunday dragged by in such a slow way. It was her day off and it had been a long day. Bernie was worried about Ellie and how her treatment was affecting her. But she was more worried about Serena, and the impact that Robbie might be having on her.

*********************************************

Serena had spent most of the weekend unable to shake off the kiss. In that moment, she'd been unable to help herself. She'd been swept away by Bernie's words. She had enjoyed the kiss, really enjoyed it and hoped there would be more, but she needed time. 

Robbie had been civil for most of the weekend but Sunday he was in a foul mood. Fletch had phoned Serena, asking her to bring Ellie in. He wanted her admitted overnight again so they could start the next stage of the chemo. Serena had taken her in, hoping to see Bernie, when she remembered it was her day off.

Serena knew there was no point in trying to deny her feelings for Bernie, they were stronger than she'd ever had for anyone before. No matter what she tried, she couldn't get Bernie's words off her mind. 

'You're braver than you think' 

Was she? Serena knew she couldn't stay like this forever, but Robbie had always made it clear she would suffer if she ever tried to leave him. And what would he do to Ellie, Bernie and even Charlotte? Serena knew what he was capable of. 

It was sad really, because all Serena wanted was too be happy and she had a chance of happiness with Bernie, but there were so many things that could go wrong, she was too scared to be selfish. 

********************************************

When Serena got back from the hospital on Sunday night, Robbie's mood hadn't improved. He was ordering her around and she felt like a dogs body. 

'Get me a whisky will you?'  
'Robbie...'  
'Just shut up and do as you're told, for once will you. I let you go out to take your brat to the hospital, so now you owe me'  
'You let me go out? I don't recall asking permission. I had to go Robbie'  
'Excuse me?'  
'I don't owe you anything. Please just talk to me nicely. I haven't done anything'  
'No, you never do, that's the problem. Everything you do is wrong.'

Serena suddenly felt very scared. Robbie could darken for no reason, she felt intimidated and didn't know what to do. Robbie got up off the chair and walked towards her, shouting the odds. 

'Everything you do is wrong. You're a useless bitch. What did I ever see in you? I wanted to look after you, I chose you, but you disrespect me at every turn. Have I not given you everything you ungrateful haw?'

Bernie's words ringing in her ears gave her strength. She was brave, she could do this..  
'Nothing, you've given me nothing. You say you wanted to look after me but you don't. You make me feel worthless all the time Robbie, you treat me like I'm muck. What did I ever do to you? You're a bully Robbie, and I can't take it anymore'

Robbie flew at her, pinning her to the door tightly by her arms. She fought against him and he lost it with her. He punched her hard and she fell to the ground. Then he kicked her twice. Clutching her side, she began to cry hysterically. Why would he do this to her? 

He knelt down beside her, pulling her up by her hair to face him.  
'Let that be a lesson to you girl. Don't push me, or you and the brat will suffer'  
Then he was gone and the door slammed behind him. 

*********************************************

Bernie had been lying on the sofa, flicking listlessly through the TV. Her mind was still wandering to Serena. She was so worried about her. She'd been anxious all weekend but tonight was worst. She couldn't explain it, but her gut was telling her something was wrong.

The doorbell rang and she jumped. Who on earth could that be at 9:45 on a Sunday evening? Better not be next door again. Heaving a sigh, she went and opened the door. 

And she got the shock of her life

A dishevelled and bloody Serena was stood in front of her, sobbing her heart out. Her face was bleeding and she was clutching her side, in obvious pain. 

'Oh my god... Serena...what has he done to you...'  
'I....I....took your advice...and t...t...tried to be brave... but he...he wouldn't listen....help me... please Bernie'  
'Oh Serena, of course I'll help you... come here'

Bernie held her arms out and Serena used the last of her strength to drag herself over the threshold. She fell into Bernie's arms clinging on to her.  
'It's okay, you're safe now. I'm here...'

That was the last thing Serena heard as she blacked out in Bernie's arms.


	11. Relationship

Serena was in a heavy black cloud. Nothing to see. Nothing to hear. Just this heaviness in her whole body. Then she starts to hear noises. The buzz of machines, quiet talking. She lies still, straining to hear but she can't understand anything. Where is she? Then her eyes being forced open, and a bright light.

Serena is in a bright white place. Someone is bending over her, saying her name. And again. She tries to answer, but no words came. He says her name again and she clears her throat Serena. She chokes out a whispered  
'What happened?'

'Serena, my name's Raf. I'm a doctor.'  
'Ellie...'  
'Don't worry, Ellie is fine. She's receiving chemo. Ms Wolfe is checking on her'  
'Bernie...'  
'She bought you in last night. She was worried, and with good reason. You had a ruptured spleen. What happened?'  
'I... Don't remember'  
'Okay...well try and relax for me. No sudden movements. You've not long been back from your surgery'  
'Surgery?'  
'Yes, I had to remove your spleen'  
'Am...Am I going to die'  
'No, you will be fine in a few days'  
'Is, Is Bernie coming back?'

'She's spent all night her here. She will be back shortly'  
'She's spent all night here?'  
'Yes, at your bedside. Now, your next of kin is down as a Robbie Metcalf. Would you like me to call him?  
'No! Don't! Please!'  
'Okay, I won't. I can't have you getting stressed. You have to stay calm. I'll be back to check on you later'  
'Okay'

Raf left Serena alone with her thoughts. She had lied to him, she remembered exactly what had happened. Robbie had abused her- treated her like dirt and hit her when things didn't go to plan. That wasn't what being in a relationship was about. It was about having someone who loved you, respected you and didn't change you. She hadn't had that with Edward or Robbie. 

What about Bernie? It must be her that made men treat her like that- the only link between Robbie and Edward was her. Something was wrong with her. She was a broken shell of a woman- she should be ashamed of herself. 

If all her relationships were like this, was she doomed to make Bernie hate her? Yes, because inevitably she drove everyone to it. The thought of Bernie hating her was enough to churn her insides upside down. 

'Serena?' Hearing her name.drew her out of the depths of her brain, and back to reality. Bernie was hovering in the doorway, not sure whether she.could.come in. Serena waved her in, she knew she had to be cruel to be kind. 

'I'm so.glad you're awake'  
'How's Ellie. Is she okay?'  
'She's fine Serena, Fletch is looking after her'  
'What happens when she gets discharged? I...I have nowhere to send her.'  
'Yes I know. And Ellie will be coming home with me'  
'With you?'  
'Yes, with me. Charlotte will love having her and you can rest easy knowing she's okay. Because now you have to focus on you, and getting better'  
'Bernie, I...'

Bernie came and sat on the edge of the bed, taking Serena's hands in her own.  
'Thank you for what you did last night. Bringing me in'  
'You blacked out in my arms I had to Serena. I couldn't stop you bleeding, I had to bring you in.'  
'Because...you...You didn't need to'  
'I did need to and I wanted to Serena'  
'But...Bernie'  
'What is it?'  
'Why are you doing this?'  
'Doing what?  
'Looking after me and Ellie. We're nothing to you'

Bernie squeezed Serena's hands tightly, silencing her.  
'You're not nothing to me Serena. You and Ellie are everything, absolutely everything to me. I told you I had feelings for you, and I meant it'  
'But Bernie...'  
'What is it?'  
'This has to end'

'What do you mean?'  
'This, between us. We have to stop it'  
'Why?'  
'It's the right thing to do. There's so much that could go wrong. I can't....'  
'So, you don't have feelings for me?'  
'What I feel.doesn't matter'  
'Yeah, well it matters to me'  
'Well it can't  
'Why not?'

'Because...I'm unlovable. Edward...Robbie... the only link between them is... me. I know I... Would end up... doing the same to you... I'm broken... I can't have you hating me'  
'Serena, I...'  
'Bernie,.please. I'm broken.. I am useless at relationships'  
'Relationship? Is that what you want?'  
'Bernie...I can't... I think its best... you'd only end up hating me in the future'  
'Serena, I'm not asking you about that. I'm asking you what you want'  
'I want you... to be with you... but we could never work'  
'How do you know that?'  
'Bernie...'  
'You don't, not for certain. I could never hate you. Never. I have never felt like this before- I know we're not there yet, but all I want right now is you. Please, just be brave enough to follow your heart Serena'  
'You want to be with me'  
'More than anything'  
'Okay'

They enveloped their hands around each other, squeezing tightly, never wanting to let go. They were deliriously happy.


	12. Realisations

Bernie sat in her car outside the hospital, smiling to herself. She’d just taken Ellie back to hers after she’d been discharged. Charlotte was ecstatic at having what she called ‘a permanent sleepover’ with her best friend. Bernie knew that Ellie needed round the clock care at the moment because the chemo was knocking for her immune system for six. 

That’s why Bernie has decided to cut down her working hours to school hours only. She needed to dedicate her time between the hospital and her home, because she had two more girls in her life that needed taking care of. Natalie would do her best, but Bernie felt responsible for everything. She had promised Serena she would take care of Ellie, and that is what she intended to. She didn’t want to let her down; all she had to focus on was getting better. Bernie would take care of everything else- they were together now so she was determined to make sure Serena got better with as little stress as possible. 

Together. Just the thought made Bernie’s smile widen. She had never felt this strongly for anyone in her life before. She had never established such an emotional connection in such a short space of time; it was almost as if fate was giving them a helping hand. Serena had been through the ringer; all Bernie wanted to do was to wash away her pain. She wanted to give Serena a relationship where she would be safe and secure; not looking over her shoulder all the time on tenterhooks. 

Resolving to do just that, she got out of her car and went to go and visit her. Natalie was staying the night with the girls and would phone if there were any problems, so Bernie could stay with Serena.

*********************************

Serena had been staring into space for the best part of three hours, thoughts simmering in her brain like dishes on a hob. Her main concern was the disruption and upheaval to Ellie's life. She must be so scared right now with her treatment and being shoved from pillar to post certainly wouldn't make the situation any easier. 

She’d been alone since Bernie had taken Ellie back to hers after she’d been discharged. Bernie was dead set on looking after Ellie while Serena was in hospital, something that Serena was still struggling to comprehend. Her feelings for Bernie were so strong yet bewildering at the same time. Serena had absolutely no idea where they had come from, but she’d never felt like this before. Not that her past relationships were anything to write home about. 

Relationship. That word felt strange and yet liberating at the same time. Serena was going into this with her eyes wide open, she knew that she wasn’t the best at relationships, but she somehow felt that things with Bernie were going to be different. Bernie had a way of making her feel at ease- she knew that Bernie would never hurt her or make her feel as alone as both Edward and Robbie had. 

Smiling to herself, she closed her eyes and thought to herself how extremely lucky she was. 

******************************

 

‘Hey there sleeping beauty’  
Serena had begun to stir in her sleep finally and heard the words before she saw the person who said them. The warm voice, laced with care and affection- well there was only one person who that could be. And sure enough, when Serena stretched and opened her eyes, there was Bernie smiling down at her, her brown eyes brimming with care and emotion. 

‘Hey, sorry, how long have I been asleep?’  
‘I’ve been here about an hour and you were asleep when I got here. You looked so peaceful; I didn’t want to wake you’  
‘Ellie, is she okay?’  
‘She’s fine Serena. Her and Charlotte were watching Little Mermaid when I left… she’s saved me a job. I hate Disney movies with a passion, so Charlotte has someone else to enjoy them with’  
‘Hate Disney? How can you hate Disney?’  
‘I don’t know, I just can’t stand them, especially Frozen’  
‘Oh I’m with you on that one. I hate Frozen, there’s something about a singing and dancing snowman that unnerves me’

Bernie chuckled and sat down in the chair next to the bed, pulling it as close to the bed frame as she could.  
‘But she’s really okay?’  
‘I promise she’s fine. She is coming to work with me on Wednesday for her chemo.’  
‘Thank you’  
‘What for?’  
‘For everything. It means so much more to me than I think you realise, so much more’

Bernie leaned on the bed, taking Serena’s hands in her own, squeezing them gently.  
‘You don’t have to thank me Serena. I’m doing this because we’re together, because I care about you so much. I meant what I said earlier- I’ve never felt like this before, no-one. Ellie is a smashing girl who my daughter adores. Which is exactly what I feel towards her mother- nothing but adoration.’  
‘Bernie…’  
‘Serena, you have no idea what you mean to me. I just want you to feel safe and secure.’  
‘I do, I do for the first time in forever Bernie, I really do. You make me feel at ease. I know I would never hurt you’  
‘I could and would never hurt you Serena. You and Ellie both mean too much to me, I will never let anything happen to you I promise. For however long this lasts, this between us.’  
‘I’m glad I was brave’  
‘I said you were. You are so much braver and stronger than you give yourself credit for. You just had to be brave enough to take the chance. I so hoped you would find the courage to, and now you have, I will make sure it’s a decision you don’t regret’  
‘I know I won’t, but there is one thing you can do.’  
‘And what’s that?’  
‘Kiss me, please.’

Bernie grinned at Serena and didn’t need any further encouragement. Leaning up to Serena, she gazed into her eyes for a minute, giving her the opportunity to pull away, but she didn’t. Then Bernie kissed Serena for the first time and it was then she realised. She loved her.


	13. Spanner in the Works

The realisation that she loved Serena had been a big one for Bernie. The pure strength of the feelings she.felt for this woman were shocking. She'd never fallen for someone as fast as she had with.Serena. They hadn't known each other very long at all, but.to Bernie it.felt like she'd known her all her life. 

Bernie couldn't explain it, she loved Serena. But that was the thing about love, it couldn't me measured, it was difficult to explain, but the pure weight of the happiness and emotion she felt for Serena was heaven. She.couldn't explain it, but she knew in her heart she loved her. She had never felt this strongly about anyone before. 

Sat here watching her sleep, Bernie tried to decide whether she should tell her. Bernie was.so happy under the realisation but Serena was in such a fragile place at the moment. Bernie didn't know whether telling her might unwillingly force her to reciprocate before she was ready.

No, best to stay silent for now. 

**********************************************

Bernie had spent the night at Serena's bedside just like she had planned. Natalie had taken Charlotte to school and was at home with Elinor. She knew she had to relieve her this afternoon, but that was ages away. She needed Serena to know that she was here for her whatever. 

Sleepily, Serena began to mumble. Opening her eyes, she smiled when she saw Bernie by her side.  
'Hey'  
'Hey you, finally awake then?'  
'Sorry, I don't normally sleep this long.'  
'Don't apologise Serena. You sleeping is a good thing. How are you feeling, much pain?'  
'No, not really'  
'You may be able to come.home soon. Sure Raf will be able to update you'  
'Home? Where's that?'  
'With me.'  
'With you?'  
'If that is what you want I mean. No pressure'

Serena smiled and reached out.for Bernie's hands.  
'I want you Bernie. I...I have never been good at explaining myself...I....'  
'Serena, it's okay. I talk enough for the both.of us'  
Serena smiled warmly,.squeezing warmth back into Bernie's hands, making butterflies gather in the pit.of her stomach.  
'What I mean is...Bernie...I need you to know I am in this with you.... I know that I need help... but I.... I have never felt like this before. Are you sure about me coming back with you?'  
'One hundred percent Serena. Like you, I am in with you whatever.'  
'Thank you...'  
'What.for?' asked Bernie, genuinely mystified  
'Just being you. Means more than you could ever know Bernie'  
'Serena...'

'So, this is your.dirty little secret, you ungrateful haw?'

That voice made Serena's blood run cold. Dropping Bernie's hands like they'd suddenly sprouted wings, she looked past her fearfully. Bernie had guessed by.Serena's reaction who it was. 

Robbie stood in the doorway, his face a thunderstorm.


	14. Taking Control

Serena dropped Bernie's hands as if they'd suddenly sprouted fangs and tried to bite her. Shaking and with tears welling up in her eyes, she glanced up at Robbie. He was stood in the doorway with a thunderous expression on his face. 

'Robbie...' she whispered in a hushed and dulcet tone.  
'Don't try that victim tone with me Serena. I have been waiting for you to come to.your senses and return home for 2 days now. I came to track you down through your brat, only to be told she's not here and you are. Where is she, did you finally get.bored and pack her off? Or has the cancer finished her off.completely?'

'How dare you talk to her like that!' Bernie had watched as Serena recoiled and shook in fear as Robbie spoke, and she wanted more than anything to kiss Serena's pain away.  
'Bernie, don't...'  
'I can talk to her any way I want to thank you very much...Bernie.... she is my fiance and she does as i tell her. But that is of no concern to you'  
'Actually I think it is Robbie' Bernie spat out his name like it was a great inconvenience to do so. 

'Why is it anything to do with you? Because, as you put it, you're in with her whatever? Whatever you have convinced yourself is going on in your head is just that, in your head'  
'But it isn't. Serena is with me and I'm with her.'  
'Is this true?' Robbie looked past Bernie, looking at Serena with a 'do not cross me' look on his face.

Bernie looked at Serena, willing her to take this opportunity to stand up to Robbie. Silently praying, she clenched her hands into fists waiting for Serena to speak.

'Well, I asked you a question you sadistic bitch?'  
'Stop talking to her like that'  
'What are you going to do about it? I will talk to her anyway I see fit'  
'I'm warning you Robbie'  
'Oh, you are,.are you?'  
'If you don't shut up and stop calling her names, I'll make you'  
'Oh right. Am I supposed to be scared?'  
'I would be if I were you'

'STOP IT!' Serena screamed out the words louder than she meant to. Robbie and Bernie stopped squaring up to each other and stood staring at Serena, both equally dumbfounded that she had found the strength to shout at them.

Bernie took in the sight of the woman in front of her and went to give her a hug, but Serena threw her arms aside, indicating she wanted her space. 

'I am not a dog in a dog show. I have my own mind. I am sick of people talking about me rather than to me. I hate arguing, please stop it.'  
'I spoke to you, you daft bitch. You didn't answer me'  
'Robbie... please stop. I can't do this anymore. I don't belong with you, I never did. When I met you, I was a broken woman. I thought being with you would fix me but it didn't. It made me worst.'  
'How dare you ungrateful bitch? I saved you, I chose you'

'You chose me yes because you saw you could control me, not because you wanted a relationship. A relationship is when two people feel the same about each other, when they accept the other person for who they are without trying to change them. They want them warts and all, and don't ignore half of their deal because it doesn't fit into their perfect lifestyle. Because my daughter is the most important person in my life. And the way you have treated her and spoke about her is unthinkable. Robbie, I thought we were a relationship. But I was wrong. A relationship is based on safety, trust, honesty and love...' 

She paused, looking at Bernie, suddenly realising...

'And all of those I get with someone who isn't you. You don't make me feel safe. I can't trust you and I'm never allowed to be.honest. Bernie makes me feel the safest I ever have, I trust her...'

She paused momentarily, breathing in...

'And I love her'


	15. Just Desserts

Bernie stood staring at Serena, dumbfounded. Had Serena actually just said those words or had she imagined it? No, she had said them. Serena loved her… Serena loved her… her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her….

Serena loved her!!

It was certainly the last thing she had been expecting to come from the brunette’s mouth. She’d been beaten and worn down by Robbie to within an inch of her life; Bernie had almost been expecting her to go back to him. But it seemed like Serena was as serious about her as she was about her. Her declaring her love for her in front of Robbie was proof of that. 

‘You… you just said…’  
‘That I love you Bernie.’  
‘This is preposterous. How can you love this… this piece of… anyway, you’re not that way inclined Serena. Stop this nonsense and get yourself home pronto’  
‘Stop calling her names Robbie.’  
‘No, I demand to be respected and not treated like a fool. You don’t love her, you’re just after a bit of attention because you’re feeling stressed after your brats diagnosis…’  
‘Right, that is it…’  
Bernie stepped nose to nose with Robbie.  
‘Am I supposed to be scared, you’re nothing but a dyke.’

Bernie grabbed Robbie by his jawline and pushed him up against the wall, asserting her power, clearly shocking him.  
‘You can call me all the names you like- your words do nothing to me. Serena is a grown woman who can probably take a few harsh words, but she shouldn’t have to listen to the garbage that you spew. But I will not have you calling Elinor a brat. That girl is the sweetest, kindest girl I have ever met. She’s a fighter and a complete credit to her mum. You should feel lucky to have the two of them in your life Robbie, but you just belittle them to try and make yourself feel better. But no more. I will not allow you to treat them like this anymore. If you carry on, there will be nothing left for you to control. That caring, kind, sparkling woman that I fell in love with will be a shadow of her former self, and I will not allow you to do that anymore. Elinor and Serena deserve so much better than you. You are nothing special. Men like you have nothing to offer women, just physical and verbal excuse. Quite how you managed to get a woman like Serena in the first place is beyond me. Anyway, if you ever raise a hand to her or her daughter again, I will not be responsible for my actions. Do you understand me?’

Robbie nodded, seemingly shook up by Bernie’s fierce and assertive tone. But when she spoke of Serena and Elinor, her tone was laced with nothing but love, affection and happiness. It was obvious she felt exactly the same about Serena.  
‘Good, now if you don’t mind, this is a private conversation. Get out.’  
Robbie had never moved so fast in his life. He practically ran out of the room as soon as Bernie released him from her grip. 

As soon as Robbie had gone, Bernie walked over to sink and washed her hands, as if she was afraid she might have caught something from him. Then taking a deep breath, she turned around and caught Serena’s gaze. Her eyes....they were the most unforgettable eyes that Bernie had ever seen upon another human being who possessed eyes of her colour. To say they are brown is to say the sky is simply colourful at sunset, accurate by not giving true description to their uniqueness. One look into them and Bernie was lost- doomed for all eternity because no other eyes will ever compare to the beauty she saw in the eyes opposite. 

‘Bernie…’  
Serena reached out her hands, needing to feel Bernie’s reassuring and familiarity next to her. Bernie thought her heart would break under the weight of love she felt for Serena, how could she refuse her anything. Smiling, she rushed over and sat next to Serena. Serena searched her face but found herself gazing helplessly into Bernie’s eyes.

Her eyes were the colour of melted chocolate, drawing Serena in. They moved her like the moon with the tide and danced as old as itself. The eyes were so tender and.so full.of love, Serena couldn't stop herself looking into them. 

‘Did you mean what you told Robbie?’ Bernie’s voice interrupted Serena’s thoughts.  
‘Yes, I did, especially the last three words.’  
‘What were they again? My mind seems to be playing tricks on me’  
‘You want me to say it again?’  
‘Please’  
‘I’ll say it again if you say it again’  
‘Again? Have I said it before?’  
‘You told Robbie you’d fell in love with me. As soon as you said that, I thought my heart was going to burst.’

Bernie thought for a moment and then it dawned on her that Serena was right- she had inadvertently said she’d loved her.  
‘Oh… I did didn’t I? I’m so sorry’  
‘What are you sorry for?’  
‘Not telling you first.’  
‘I don’t care. You said it.’  
‘Serena…’  
‘What is it?’  
‘I hope… I hope you don’t think this is too fast… I mean.. you’ve been through so much… with Ellie and the cancer… I don’t want you to rush into something that you’re not ready for… I meant what I said… but if you need time.. I understand…’

The next thing Bernie knew, Serena had slammed her lips to hers and nearly knocked all the wind from Bernie’s lungs. She hardly had a moment to react before Serena pressed her tongue to the seam of my lips and, at Bernie’s grant of access, delved inside my mouth. Serena’s arms reached up and tangled around Bernie’s neck. In an instant Bernie had pulled away and arched up into Serena’s chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against her own, before she drew back into her lips. 

‘Why would I need time…’ Serena pulled back for just a moment, needing Bernie to know what she felt for her, and that she was in this one hundred percent.  
‘Wow… you are an amazing kisser…’ Bernie pressed her forehead to Serena’s, interlocking their hands.  
‘You’re not so bad yourself.’  
‘So, you’re sure about us?’  
‘More sure than I have ever been. Bernie, I meant what I said. I love you’  
‘I love you too’

Serena smiled as wide as her face would let her, catching a happy glance over to Bernie, who was mirroring her happiness. They gazed at each other for a minute, butterflies rising in their stomachs before they both melted back into each other’s arms, resuming the passionate kissing they’d stopped just a moment ago.


	16. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has helped me over the last few days. I have re written chapter 16, all my own words.  
> This is for my readers who love this fic. You are the reason I've kept it going.

Bernie sat watching Serena sleep, their hands interlocked even in Serena's dreams. Watching her sleep filled Bernie with such a wave of emotion. Her feelings for Serena had hit her like a big black taxi, out of the blue and out of nowhere, but now they had, her life would never be the same. 

How could she describe their love with mere words? An entire ocean of ink wouldn't provide her with enough words. Just thinking of Serena made her heart beat faster- almost as if it was beating for two. 

She knew people would laugh and say that she couldn't possibly be in love with a woman she'd only known for a very short while, but Bernie was indifferent. She hadn't asked to feel like this and neither had Serena. They hadn't fallen in love slowly as some people had, they had fallen madly in love- the two of them caught up in a whirlwind.

Since Marcus she hadn't trusted herself to get close to anyone. She'd closed herself off to everyone, determined never to be hurt again. Putting up that wall, she'd thrust all her energy into her work and making sure she provided Charlotte with everything she needed. 

But throwing herself into her work had starved Charlotte of exactly what she needed- quality time with her mum. When Bernie saw the close bond between Serena and Elinor she felt a little sad. She didn't have that with Charlotte- she loved her daughter more than anything but she knew she would never be able to bond with her like Serena had with Elinor. 

Maybe that was what the two of them needed. Each other. Bernie could be with Serena and show her it was possible to be in a relationship without being scared witless, and Serena.could help Bernie bond more with her daughter. That was it- they fitted together like pieces of a jigsaw. It would take a while but when everything was in place, together it was hard to break. She loved Serena, but it wasn't just that, she needed her. Needed her to help her change. 

She felt Serena's hand tighten around hers and her eyes began to open. She gently kissed Serena's temple and stroked her cheek.  
'I love you Bernie...' Serena mumbled as her tiredness won out and the tendrils of sleep pulled her back under  
'I love you too' Bernie whispered back. Here, in this moment, that was what she wanted. 

Love.


	17. Calmness Descends

Serena woke up first, having slept most of the day away yesterday. Her pain relief and the stress of the last few days taking its toll on her. She'd needed the rest away from the real world, a chance to rejuvenate and recover. 

Sitting up she rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers, brushing away the sleep which had crusted underneath her eyes overnight. Serena blinked in the furious amber rays floating in through the blinds. The rays illuminated the clinical white walls, basking them in a pool of rich golden light. The air shimmered in the early morning sunlight and she couldn't help but smile. 

And that smile widened when she caught sight of Bernie asleep in the chair opposite her. Her blonde hair glistened in the pool of light, the clashing colours making the sight even more desirable. One look at the careworn expression left Serena with butterflies in her stomach. Serena was mesmerised by how stunning Bernie looked in the morning sunlight. She was entranced.

**********************************************

Bernie opened her eyes and was aware of a pair of eyes boring into her. Brown eyes full of compassion and affection. She moved her head and Serena ducked her head unexpectedly breaking the contact.  
'Hey...' Serena grinned awkwardly, unsure of what to say. She felt like she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't. Should she have been staring at Bernie? Would she think that weird?  
'Hey. How are you feeling this morning?'  
'Uh...okay'

Bernie could tell Serena was feeling a little awkward this morning, so she took the initiative and perched on the bed.  
'What is it?' she asked Serena, pushing her chin upwards and forcing Serena to look at her.  
'Nothing...'  
'Serena, don't give me that. What is it?'  
'I'm sorry...'  
'What for?'  
'You must think me weird... for looking at you while you're sleeping... I'm sorry......'

Bernie silenced Serena with a fierce kiss on her lips. This was similar to the ones they'd shared previously, but this one suddenly aroused a fire to light up in both of them, a fire full of raw emotion. A fire filled with love and passion. It was the first kiss that really alerted them to the desire they had for each other. 

'Wow...' was all Serena could muster as she pulled back, suddenly aware that the room had become hot and stifling.  
'My thoughts exactly' came the reply. Bernie's eyes bore into her, searching for something but she didn't know what.  
'What... What did you do that for?'  
'To shut you up. Why on earth would I think you weird Serena, I meant what I said yesterday, I love you'  
'I just struggle to understand what you love. I'm nothing special'

Bernie bought her hands up to Serena's face and kissed her again, but this time a slow and meaningful kiss filled with the promise of security.  
'Serena... I wish you could see what I see. You've turned my life upside down. I can't describe it. Just last night I was trying to explain it to myself but I can't. The only thing I could come up with is that we fit. We belong together. So when you say you struggle to understand why I love you- Serena... I so wish I could tell you, I so wish I had the right words but I don't. No words do you justice, but this... us... feels right'

Serena let out a quiet sob and threw her arms around Bernie. She sobbed quietly onto her shoulder before gathering herself and whispering,  
'I love you.'  
'And I love you Serena'

The two of them were so in love- but the calmness that had descended wouldn't last for long, because Serena had worked up the courage to be brave but would it be a decision she'd come to regret? 

Being Brave in that moment, but when she was on her own could she summon up the courage to follow her own advice. And more importantly,

Follow her heart?


	18. Back with a Bang

As much as Bernie would have liked to spend the day at Serena's bedside- she had a shift down on the ward to get to. And she needed to check on Ellie- Natalie had dropped her at the hospital earlier that morning for her chemo. 

'I hate to leave you...'  
'Bernie, I'll be fine. You have a job to do. And I need to know Ellie is okay. It's halfway through her chemo now'  
'Yes, well we hope. After the 4 weeks we'll do another biopsy and then we'll.see from there. You must not worry about Ellie, she is fine, she will be fine I promise. I'll bring her to see you after shift yes?'  
'Would you?'  
'Of.course. I'd do anything to make you happy'

Serena reached up and hooked her arms around Bernie's neck. Kissing her fiercely, the rest of the world melted away and.for that split second, she was deliriously happy.

'Woah....' Bernie reluctantly pushed Serena away. She knew she had to go to work, although she would much rather be here with Serena. '... I don't want to go, but I have to'  
'Don't worry about me, I will be fine. Go and do what you do best'  
'And what's that?'  
'Saving people. You're saving Ellie, you're saving me'  
'You?'  
'You convinced me to be brave and to grab happiness while I can. I can stop living in constant fear... you are saving me every day'  
'Oh Serena... You're going to make me cry  
'No tears. Go to work and I'll see you later'  
'That is a promise'  
'It better be, now go'

Bernie returned Serena's smile, gave her a quick peck on the cheek and then left the room. Serena lay back on her pillows smiling to herself. She was so incredibly lucky, and she knew it. 

**********************************************

Serena felt the hand on her cheek and it brought her out of her slumber. Raf had been around and lowered her dosage, even talking of her being discharged in the next couple of days. 

That was more than she'd begun to think about. Going home. She hadn't ever had a home before but now- she had Bernie, Charlotte and of course Elinor. They were her home. 

Having her medication dosage lowered had been good for.Serena but she'd nodded off to sleep and had missed the door being opened. The figure watched her for a moment before coming closer and stroking her cheek. Serena mumbled sleepily  
'I love you'

'Good to see you're back to normal. I knew being away from her would make you realise what you wanted wasn't her.'

Serena's eyes snapped open and they immediately became clouded with fear and anxiety. The figure stood over her wasn't Bernie, but the man who had scared her witless for 3 years. He wasn't going to let her go without a fight. 

But had Robbie bitten off more than he could chew?


	19. Out for The Count

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tales of violence and abuse

'R...Robbie... what are you doing here?'  
'I was waiting for that bitch to leave. Has she spent all night here?'  
'Yes... Robbie, what are you doing here?'  
'Why are you questioning me you ungrateful cow? I've spent all night here knowing that you were breathing the same air as that queer dyke'  
'Don't call her that'  
'Are you going to stop me?'

Serena couldn't bring herself to reply, instead dropping her gaze to the floor. She knew Robbie wouldn't listen anyway- he never did. It was his way or the highway. Serena should have known that he wouldn't have taken Bernie's warning lying taken. 

'Just as I thought. Now, have they said when I can get you out of this hell hole and back home.'  
'No... not yet.'  
'What are you doing here anyway? You disappeared after our set-to last week and I haven't heard from you until I traced your mobile to here'  
'Traced my mobile.... what?'  
'I have to keep tabs on you one way. Because of your duplicitous and lying personality, I can't take you at face value. So I have to my own detective work, so I bought a tracker for your phone'

'You... you track where I am? Robbie... Why would you do that?'  
'Are you deaf or just plain stupid Serena? Probably a bit of both giving your decline. I told you why. Now, will you answer my original question? What are you doing here in this hospital? Couldn't bear to leave your brat behind so you decide to move in to the hospital? You're pathetic'

Serena sat with her eyes closed, listening to Robbie give her a verbal battering. His words used to sting like fire and ice, but not anymore. All while he was talking she just kept playing Bernie's words in her head over and over again. 

'You're braver than you know'

She was wasn't she? She was brave and she could do this. She wasn't scared of Robbie and she shouldn't have to be. Serena couldn't be brave before because she didn't have the strength, but she did now and just the thought made her smile. 

Suddenly, hands gripped her tightly, Robbie digging his nails into her wrists.  
'I don't know what you're smiling at, but I would wipe that grin off your face before I do you some real damage. What did I tell you, you're mine Serena. Don't cross me and don't push me. Because you will lose, trust me'

Serena's eyes hardened as she blinked back the tears that had formed at the.corners of her eyelids. She wasn't going to shed another tear over this man. Pulling with all her might, she wrenched her hands free from Robbie and pushed him away. 

'Trust you... I have never trusted you Robbie. You want to know why I'm here. You're the reason I'm here. Chained to.this bed instead of being with my baby girl upstairs. You ruptured my spleen. It wasn't a set-to. You beat me. You're a bully Robbie and I've put up with it for three years. Well not anymore. I could have died if Bernie hadn't brought me in. She saved my life and you nearly took it away. You can say and do what you like to me, but I will not have you insulting the two people I love. I'm not scared of you anymore, and that means your powerless. I don't need you anymore to squash me under your feer and tell me I'm worthless. I'm not worthless, I am.something. Bernie sees something in me. I love her and she loves me, which is going to eat you alive. Because you will never have me again...'

Serena didn't get to finish her sentence because Robbie put his hands around her throat and began to choke her.  
'You're mine Serena Campbell. You always will be'

Serena struggled.for a moment, gasping.for air like a fish, before choking out a few choice and raspy words for Robbie.  
'I am not yours. I'd rather be dead than be with you another moment longer'  
'If that's what you want...' Robbie applied more pressure to Serena's throat, squeezing the life out.of her like he was squeezing juice out of an orange. 

Then hands pulled him away from Serena. Bernie grabbed him by the shoulders and with one swift jab of her knee hit him where it really hurt. Serena had no air left in her lungs and took one last breath, locking her eyes on Bernie before she gave up her fight and her heart stopped.


	20. Panic Rhythm

One second, their eyes locked onto each other and the next Serena's eyes closed.  
'Serena!' Bernie ran forward and hit the panic alarm. Feeling Serena's absent heartbeat, fear rose in Bernie. Robbie had killed her, he had.

Speaking of Robbie, he was on the floor, clutching his privates groaning. Bernie had kneed him and he'd fallen to the floor. If he had killed Serena she would do more than that to her, that was certain. 

'Serena... come on... don't do this... you're stronger than this... please... I NEED A CRASH TROLLEY IN HERE NOW!'  
Bernie began the compressions on Serena's chest, determined not to let her go. She and Serena had barely started, their journey was not going to end here- she wouldn't allow it.

'Ms Wolfe... what on earth?' Raf took in the sight of Bernie trying to resuscitate, a nurse pushing the trolley in behind him.  
'Strangulation via the carotid artery. Crashed approximately 60 seconds ago.'  
Cartoid artery penetrated or broken?'  
'Not sure but I'd say penetrated. I don't think it's broken because she didn't crash straight away'  
'Right... lets do this'

Raf swung the trolley round and turned the defibrillator on. Bernie didn't stop compressions, only pausing to give Serena the breaths. It was remedial first aid for a doctor of Bernie's capabilities but it was what she knew she had to do. She had to restart Serena's heart. 

'Charging to 200... stand clear Ms Wolfe'  
Bernie reluctantly stepped away momentarily as the electric current flowed from the defibrillator through the wires to Serena's heart. 

Bernie watched as Serena flopped off the bed but it made no change.  
'Still A systolic. Give me one milligram of adrenalin... pronto!'

*********************************************

Five attempts later and still Serena wasn't responding. Bernie was becoming hysterical as she watched Raf repeatedly try to save her and be met with the flat line and radio silence everytime. 

'I... I think we should stop'  
'You can't. Raf, please...'  
'Ms Wolfe... Bernie... she's been in VF for fifteen minutes. We need to stop and call it.'  
'NO! Serena... I know you're in there. Please come back to me... I need you'  
'Ms Wolfe... I am sorry. Are we all in agreement that we should stop?'

Bernie dropped to the floor, and was suddenly overcome with anger as she spied Robbie. Grabbing him by the arms, she pinned him to the floor.  
'You killed her... why would you do that? If you couldn't have her then nobody could, am I right? She's gone and its your fault'

About to elaborate she suddenly stopped dead. The beeping.

'We have a sinus rhythm'


	21. Scared Beyond Belief

Bernie grabbed him by his ear and forced him to stand. He wriggled but Bernie's grip was unbreakable. Bernie dragged him over to Serena's bed; Raf watching nervously to see what she was going to do. 

'You see that... she is still here. You tried to kill her. If you couldn't have her then nobody could... well let me tell you. You still don't have her and you never will. Serena made it clear she doesn't want you. I heard her. She loves me... I love her... I was so close to hurting you then... but hearing the monitor register her heartbeat... I don't need to be violent... Serena has had enough of that in her life... but let me warn you... should you ever come near her again... I will personally make sure that you never have children. I'm a lady like that... do we understand each other?'  
'You don't frighten me. I won't let her go. She's mine... and I will make sure she knows that'  
'How will you do that from prison?'  
'I am not going to prison'  
'Yes you are'

It wasn't Bernie who had spoken, but Raf. He had watched the altercation between Bernie and Robbie and after seeing the way they both were he joined up the dots on the half finished puzzle.  
'Excuse me?'  
'You tried to kill one of my patients. Security are on their way. They will turn you over to the police'  
'Oh come on... the bitch deserved it'  
'You call her that one more time, and I will cut off that tongue and shove it where the sun doesn't shine'  
'Ms Wolfe... remember what you just said. Serena doesn't need this. She needs you... she doesn't need you in a police cell'  
'You're right Raf.'  
'Serena seems to be stable for the moment. Why don't I leave you alone for a few moments and I will take... this... to security'  
'Thank you Raf'  
'No worries. Any problems, you know what to do'

Raf took Robbie outside, leaving Bernie alone with Serena. As soon as the door closed, Bernie ran straight over to the bed. Stroking Serena's cheek with one hand, she began to talk. 

'Oh... you scared me then. I was so convinced I'd lost you. You know how to keep a girl waiting Serena I'll give you that. He's gone and he won't hurt you again, I promise. Not while I'm here. I love you'

Bernie broke down and began to cry the tears she'd been building up. Was Serena safe? Was Robbie finished?

Not by a long shot, but for now at least the two of them were in the clear. They would have to enjoy the break before they had to be brave again.


	22. Back With Us

Her head in her hands, Bernie was on the verge of insanity. Serena's heart had stopped again last night and although they'd managed to resuscitate her again, Raf had made it clear that it wouldn't be third time lucky, it would be three strikes and Serena would be out. She was clinging on to the world by the skin of her teeth. 

Bernie was praying, hoping against hope, that Serena would escape from this, and they could both move on with their lives. Ellie's chemo was going well, she had five more sessions until they took another biopsy. Hopefully the cancer would have shrunk so they could move into the next phase. Bernie knew Serena would worry about Ellie, and as it didn't look like Serena would be out any time soon, it would be Bernie who had to deal with it.

Not that she would have it any other way. Serena and Elinor came as a package and she knew that. She had become attached to having Elinor at hers- Charlotte was a different girl since her best friend had moved in. Not that she'd spent much time with her daughter in the last few days. Natalie had been working even hardee than usual- Bernie knew that her daughter deserved better but she knew she had to go with her heart and be with Serena. 

Her heart. Her heart didn't feel right anymore-she hadn't known Serena long at all but Bernie knew that nothing would ever be complete without her. Serena was the ying to her yang, the light in the dark, the other half of her- everything Bernie needed. The only thing she needed that minute was to hear that Serena was alive and well, and that this was all a bad dream. 

Sadly it was true though, Bernie was sat on an uncomfortable chair in the waiting room. Raf had taken Serena to theatre to try and repair the artery in her throat. If he could, then the blood circulating to her brain could get there without the ever present strain. She hoped everything was going okay, but Bernie knew that things were never that simple. The odds of Serena coming through this unscathed were virtually impossible. 

**********************************************

Over an hour later, Bernie went into the recovery room. Raf had managed to repair some of the damage to Serena's throat, but nobody knew how bad she would be until she woke up. The anaesthetic should have been wearing off, so the damage was about to become all too apparent. 

As soon as Bernie saw Serena lying on her back, with wires all over her body, she felt a lump rise in her throat. How had she let this happen? She had sworn to protect Serena and keep her from harm. Robbie had inflicted so much pain on her, it was a wonder Serena was still around to tell the tale. Bernie knew Serena was brave- braver than she was. She didn't think she would have survived it all, and came out the other side. 

Serena's eyes opened warily, completely unable to remember where she was or what she was doing here. Then the image of a dishevelled blonde, looking at her with wide and teary eyes caused memories to come flooding back. 

Ellie and her cancer. Robbie hitting her. Her spleen being removed. Bernie saving her. Telling Robbie she loved Bernie. Both of them telling each other. Robbie again. 

She couldn't speak yet, but she didn't need to. Tears forming in her eyes, she raised her hand weakly and Bernie burst into tears. She ran over and took Serena's hand, crying into Serena's hair.

'I thought I'd lost you'


	23. Friendship Magic

Ellie was in a pool, drowning, she couldn't seem to stop the water from surrounding her. She tried to kick back up to the surface, but she.couldn't. Bubbles burst from her, like jellyfish as they rise to the place where she knows she belongs. 

Panicking, she opens her mouth to shout but she is alone. All around her is the water. Water, water, everywhere. She is drowning... where's her Mum? Her mum always said she would protect her... but she wasn't here now. 

'Be brave' 

But without her mum, she couldn't be brave. She needed her Mum. She needed her to tell her everything was going to be okay. Elinor was drowning, no way out of it. She began to cry, adding even more water to her surroundings. Loud, uncontrollable sobs........

'Ellie! Ellie! Ellie!....' the sound of someone shouting her brought her out of her dream. Snapping her eyes open, Ellie saw Charlotte bending over her.  
'What happened?'  
'You started.screaming and you woke me up. Then you were calling for your Mum and you started crying. I wanted to wake you up, to tell you that you're safe'  
'I... I want my mum'  
'I know. I do too. But they have to be with each other now. My mum is helping to make your Mum better, just like she is helping to make you better'  
'You're mum is magic..'  
'I think she is, but she's not. She's just a very good doctor'  
'And you are a very good friend. You are my best friend Lottie'  
'You're my best friend too Ellie'

Elinor was still weak from her chemo session but Charlotte knew that. She scooted out of her bed and curled up under the covers with her best friend. She gave her a hug, and then the two of them fell asleep.

Charlotte was right- Bernie was helping to make everyone better, but what about herself? The events over the next few weeks and months would test her resolve and whether she could take Serena's advice.


	24. Stay Safe

'Hi Mum. I was just wondering how Serena was. Ellie is missing her. And I'm missing you. But I know you are making Serena better... That's what you do. Natalie is making spaghetti bolognese for dinner, Ellie's favourite to cheer her up. Love you lots...'

Tears welled up in Bernie's eyes as she listened to Charlotte's message. She was outside grabbing some air and her phone had finally got a strong enough signal to pick up the voicemail. 

Listening to her daughter's words, Bernie thought back to the time when Marcus had left her high and dry. Charlotte's first word had been dada and even at two, she had been a daddy's girl. Then one day he'd upped and left, without a word. Bernie had listened to her daughter sobbing her heart out for her dad, and there was nothing she could do. Charlotte would always be that little girl, sobbing as if her heart would break.

Bernie's heart had broken for a time, trying to accommodate for Charlotte's one parent family, and worrying she wasn't up to the job. But now, her daughter seemed so independent- Bernie was worried that it wouldn't be long until Charlotte no longer needed her. 

It had taken five years of putting up barriers and shutting out the world for Bernie to feel whole again. But then Serena had arrived in her life in a whirlwind and suddenly Bernie was being the strong one and having to look after her. She knew she loved Serena, it almost scared her how much after such a short time, but not almost as much as when she'd almost lost her a few days ago. That had almost torn her apart. 

********************************************

Serena had been asleep when Bernie had gone outside, but she was awake now. Staring out the window, she was absentmindedly lost in her thoughts and didn't hear the knock at the door.  
'Miss Campbell?'

Hearing a strange voice, Serena was snapped out of her thoughts on Bernie and saw a blonde woman in the doorway.  
'Yes?'  
'This just arrived for you at reception. A porter just bought it up. The young man was adamant that you see it'

She came over and handed Serena a letter before turning to leave. Serena recognised the handwriting on the envelope and her heart stopped dead. Her hand shaking, she gingerly opened it, afraid it might sprout wings and attack her. 

**********************************************

'Ms Wolfe... I can't let you in there'  
'What? Why? Is it Serena... has something happened?'  
'Nothing medical no...'  
'Raf. What's going on?'

Bernie had arrived back on the ward to see Raf emerging from Serena's side room. Worried she'd hurried over, but Raf had put a hand up, and she'd stopped instantly confused and perplexed. 

'Raf?'  
'I can't tell you Ms Wolfe, confidentiality.'  
'What? Is she okay? She wouldn't mind you telling me...'  
'Well I think she.would. Ms Wolfe, Serena is very distressed and she is my top priority at the moment. I cannot let you in'  
'Why?'  
'Because Miss Campbell doesn't wish to.see you. And that is all I can say.'  
'Serena....doesn't want to see me?'  
'Unfortunately not.'

In that moment, Bernie's heart broke into a million pieces and lay on the ground so anyone could trample on it even more. Why didn't Serena want to see her? What had gone wrong? Had she done something?

'Why?'  
'I don't know. She just asked that I pass on a message'  
'Message?'  
'That she is sorry and as soon as she is better she will take Elinor and get out of your hair. And thank you for looking after Elinor'  
'That's it?'  
'That's it Ms Wolfe'  
'I don't understand'

The only person who knew why was Serena and at the moment, she was in such a state she.couldn't string a single sentence together. The letter lay under her pillow, it had turned her.world upside down. 

She had done what she had to do- being brave wasn't an option anymore. For the picture of Bernie, Charlotte and Elinor with the message had rendered her completely paralysed with fear

'Stay single, stay quiet and they stay safe'


	25. Sacrificial Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie reaches out to Serena, but will it work?

Neither of them slept that night, Serena tossing and turning thinking about Robbie’s message and about having to keep Bernie and Charlotte safe. Bernie was back in her own bed for the first time in ages, but she barely noticed. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Serena. Bernie’s heart was breaking- why would Serena shut her out now? Had she done something wrong?

After many hours staring at the ceiling, Bernie gave up and got out of bed. Raking a hand through her blonde hair, she stood at the window. Her mind was on Serena yet again and Bernie sighed, squeezing her eyes shut to prevent the tears that had gathered from falling. Taking a breath, she regained her composure and opened her eyes again and was met with a sight. 

The sunrise this morning was a breath-taking display of radiant colours. The dark blue and purple of the twilight sky were being replaced by the bursts of red, pink, and orange. The sky resembled a prism; all the colours blended perfectly into each other. The sun was peeking out of the horizon; its brilliant rays already shined brightly and began to warm the air. Bernie knew it was going to be a warm day, so why didn’t she feel the energy she had being feeling the last few mornings? 

Serena. That was why. 

Deciding there and then, that she was going to get to the bottom of this, she grabbed her phone and texted Natalie to see whether she could pick up Charlotte from school. Ellie had chemo again this morning- her last one of the week, so Bernie decided to kill two birds with one stone. Serena would listen, she would make sure. 

*****************

‘She hasn’t changed her mind Ms Wolfe. Serena does not wish to see you’  
‘Raf, I just want to give her an update on Elinor’s treatment. She’s booked in for her biopsy on Tuesday. Serena would want to know. Her daughter is her life’  
‘I would be happy to pass on the message, and then Serena can decide. Right now, I need to respect her wishes.’  
‘But…’  
‘Ms Wolfe, you know the rules. Patient confidentiality cannot be breached’  
‘Well, then could you possibly pass this on?’  
‘What is it?’  
‘It’s just a letter. Please Raf, I have to make sure she knows…’  
‘Knows what?’

Bernie pressed the letter into Raf’s hand before taking a breath and confirming what Raf had already begun to suspect.  
‘That I am not going anywhere and that I love her’  
‘Ah… I thought so’  
‘You did?’  
‘Bernie.. Ms Wolfe… I have worked with you for four years and I have never seen you like this before. You are always the consummate professional, maintaining a distance, but Serena is a different matter. She’s the mother of your daughter’s best friend. You were bound to feel drawn to her, and it’s spilled over. I had my suspicions but I knew I was right last week when Serena’s heart stopped. I had never seen you like that before, and then I knew.’  
‘Well... so you know now. You will pass on that letter right?’  
‘I will tell Serena you gave it to me, but she must make the decision as to whether she reads it.’  
‘Thank you Raf. I should probably go and phone my sitter, check my daughter is okay. I will be outside if Serena needs me’

Raf watched Bernie leave the ward. She had it bad for Serena, and if Serena’s actions were anything to go by, she felt the same. So why the sudden coldness towards Bernie? Raf didn’t know, and as a doctor he had to respect Serena’s wishes- but it made no sense as to why she was refusing to see Bernie. 

**************

Serena,  
I don’t know what to say. The fact you won’t let me see you is killing me. I feel like my world has come crashing down around my ears and there’s no way I can begin to piece it back together without you. I don’t know if I did or said something to upset you, if I did I’m so so sorry. 

Serena- I love you. It came from nowhere and it was fast but it’s there for the whole world to see. I know you feel the same as well, so why are you shutting me out like this? It makes no sense. Please, please let me see you. It’s killing me, and I bet you’re the same. I love you, I am not going to accept that you’ve had a change of heart. It took so much for you to be with me and after all that you wouldn’t just turn your back on the chance of happiness. 

And what about me? Serena, don’t I get a say? You at least owe me an explanation face to face. If this is it… please let me see you, even if it’s only one last time. I need to… you need to. I deserve a chance don’t I? 

I am not going anywhere- I love you. The more you try to push me away, the more I love you. Please, please, please Serena…. I love you so much. 

Bernie x

Serena’s heart broke as she felt tears drop on to the page. It wasn’t fair what she was doing to Bernie, but she knew she had to do it to keep her safe. She couldn’t risk anything happening to her- Serena knew that she could never live with herself if Bernie and Charlotte were injured. 

Folding the paper up, she put it under her pillow and buried her face under her duvet, crying silently, succumbing to her tears. It wasn’t fair, but it had to be done. To keep her loved ones safe, she had to deny herself of a chance of happiness.


	26. Mirror Image

Five days passed and Serena was still refusing to see Bernie. Serena had not been sleeping as well as she should have been. Time and time again she wondered if she was doing the right thing, and the dark circles under her eyes told everyone she was suffering. She had to protect her from Robbie- once he’d set his sights on someone he’d make it his mission to make them suffer. Serena couldn’t do that to Bernie- she had to keep her resolve up. She might love her, but she couldn’t expect Bernie to live her life in fear. 

And what about the girls? Elinor was going through enough as it is, and Charlotte was an innocent bystander in this. It wasn’t her fault that Robbie had set his sights on her- it was Serena’s. If she had never got involved with Bernie then none of this would have happened. Why did she always do this? When everything was okay, she upset the apple cart and caused chaos for everyone around her. Well not anymore, she deserved to be left alone. 

Today was the day of Elinor’s biopsy, and she’d managed to convince Raf that she was well enough to go and be there with her. Her daughter was her main priority, she always would. Raf had agreed that a porter could escort her to the paediatric ward to be with her, but then she was to come straight back. She might be getting better, but she was still in pain after her splenectomy and her throat was still recovering after her strangulation last week. It did cross Serena’s mind that she would run into Bernie, but she had to be there for Ellie, so if she did cross paths with Bernie, it was a cross she would have to bear. 

************************

The biopsy had gone well according to Fletch. Ellie was asleep in the bed, and Serena had been sent by him to the relatives’ room to wait for the results. She had looked wistfully at Bernie’s office but it was in darkness. That had struck Serena as odd- she knew how invested Bernie was in Elinor’s case, so why wasn’t she here?

Raking a hand through her hair, Serena’s mind began to wander. If Elinor’s chemo had worked then she could enter the consolidation phase meaning she could take drugs and have a weekly radiotherapy session. But that was providing the prognosis was positive. If it wasn’t, well then the chemotherapy would continue for a few more weeks. Serena was praying that her daughter suffering wasn’t in vain. 

‘Serena?’  
The voice brought Serena back down to earth with a bump. The voice was one she recognised all too well, but it sounded different- distorted and broken almost. Serena slowly dragged her eyes over towards the door. She took in Bernie’s trainers, the black skinny jeans and the black shirt with the bottom button missing. The second Serena dragged her eyes up to meet Bernie, she felt sick. Bernie looked as dishevelled as she was. Her eyes were full of tears and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her blonde hair was even more tousled than usual and her skin was paler than Serena had ever seen. Is this what a few days apart was doing to them both?

‘Bernie…’ Serena dropped her eyes to the floor which didn’t go unnoticed by Bernie. She felt disappointed but didn’t push it.  
‘I…I… uh… it’s good to see you… finally’  
‘Don’t Bernie’  
‘Don’t what?’  
‘Don’t do this now.’  
‘Serena, this doesn’t make sense. Please talk to me. Did you get my letter?’

Serena nodded still refusing to look at Bernie. Bernie shut the door behind her and came into the room. She could see that Serena had been feeling the strain like her. She was pale, and her eyes were rubbed raw- like she hadn’t been sleeping either. Sitting down opposite Serena, she tried to catch her eye but Serena was still intent on watching the floor. 

‘Serena?’  
‘What Bernie?’  
‘If you got my letter, why are you still not letting me in? Did I do something wrong?’  
‘No’  
‘Well then what is it? Because none of this makes sense. One minute we were happy and the next you’re refusing to see me. Why is that?’  
‘Can you not just leave it?’  
‘No I will not leave it. Don’t I get a say in this? I love you, does that not account for anything?’  
‘Bernie, I… I don’t know what you want from me’  
‘I want you to be honest with me. Please’  
‘There’s nothing to say Bernie. It’s over’  
‘That’s it?’  
‘That’s it’

Bernie took the initiative and knelt in front of Serena, gently grabbing her cheeks and pushing upwards, making them lock eyes for the first time in nearly a week.  
‘Serena, I know you don’t mean it. You love me. Tell me you don’t’  
‘Bernie, I can’t be with you’  
‘Why not? You can’t tell me you don’t love me, so there is something else you won’t tell me. Why not? I can handle anything you tell me- I am a big girl. For a minute, forget about everything else. Remember what it’s like when its just me and you. Me and you- nothing else matters. The girls do obviously, but I mean besides them. I know you love me Serena and I love you, so what’s stopping us?’  
‘R…’ Serena had the word on the edge of her tongue but something stopped her. She hated what she was doing to Bernie, but in the long run she would thank her for it.  
‘Tell me Serena, whatever it is’  
‘R…R…I can’t do this Bernie’  
‘Serena, why can’t you trust yourself. You did before so whats changed?’  
‘Me.’  
‘Yes you have. Youre not the scared woman you were when I met you. You stood up to Robbie…’

At the mention of Robbie, Serena jumped away from Bernie and began to cry. Bernie began to move towards her but Serena shouted her away.  
‘No! Please don’t come near me!’  
‘Serena, what is it?’  
‘Bernie, please. Just accept what im saying.’  
‘I can’t’  
‘Why not?’

Not caring, Bernie kissed Serena. A sense of urgency as she poured all of her pent up emotions into that moment. Serena was surprised for a moment, and swept away in the emotion of the moment, reciprocated hooking her arms around Bernie’s neck, pulling her closer. But then her head began to run away from her and she pushed herself away from Bernie. Peering at her wide eyed, Serena looked more frightened than Bernie had ever seen her. 

‘That’s why I can’t accept it Serena. That moment right there’


	27. Plucking Up The Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena finally plucks up the courage to come clean about Robbie's threats, but is it too little too late?

‘That doesn’t change anything Bernie. It can’t’  
‘Are you kidding me Serena?’  
‘What do you expect me to say Bernie?’  
‘I want you to be honest with me Serena. You seem to have given up on us. Why am I even bothering to fight for us when you clearly don’t care about me anymore?’

Bernie turned away, her heart silently breaking when she felt Serena’s hand on hers, pulling her back towards her. Stopping, Bernie looked over her shoulder at Serena, whose face almost exactly mirrored her. Pale, withdrawn, eyes full of tears. For a minute, they looked at their joined hands. Serena didn’t know why she had grabbed Bernie’s hand, but she knew they couldn’t keep going round in the same vicious cycle, they’d only end up hurting each other and that was what Serena was precisely trying to avoid. 

‘I do care Bernie.’  
‘Well you have a funny way of showing it Serena. You’ve ripped my heart out and trampled all over it. That’s you caring?’  
‘Bernie… I… I don’t want you to get hurt’  
‘You’ve already hurt me’  
‘Not by me’  
‘Well by who then?’

Serena let go of Bernie’s hand and folded her arms across her chest. She shouldn’t be telling Bernie all this- but she couldn’t hide it anymore. The worry and fear would eat her alive from the inside out. And Bernie was right- she should have a say shouldn’t she?

‘Serena?’  
‘I…I am really sorry Bernie, for what how I’ve acted these last few days. But I thought it was the best’  
‘Best for who Serena? Because it’s nearly killed me and you don’t look too pretty right now either, just give me a yes or no answer. Do you love me?’  
‘Bernie…’  
‘Yes or no Serena?’  
‘Yes. But it’s because I love you that I did this’  
‘Serena, that makes no sense. Why would you shut me out because you love me?’  
‘Because of this!’

Serena threw the piece of paper at Bernie from her pocket. She had been carrying it around with her since it had been delivered- she was too scared to leave it behind. Collapsing onto the chair again, she began to cry even harder, burying her face in her hands to avoid eye contact with Bernie. 

Bernie stared at Serena for a moment, and then picked up the paper from where it had landed at her feet. Opening it, her eyes widened when she examined the contents. Suddenly everything made sense again- Serena’s behaviour and her need to try and maintain some kind of control within the situation. 

‘Serena… why didn’t you tell me?’  
Serena didn’t answer Bernie, instead crying even harder behind her hands. Bernie’s heart broke even more in that moment and she sat down on the chair next to Serena, wrapping her arms around her.  
‘It’s okay…’  
‘It isn’t okay Bernie. It isn’t okay at all.’ Serena sobbed into Bernie’s shirt.  
‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me?’  
‘Because I thought it was best Bernie. I love you too much to watch you get hurt. And Ellie. And Charlotte. None of you deserve any of this. You all deserve to be happy.’  
‘Don’t you get it Serena? You make me happy. More than you know. Ellie loves you because you’re her mother. Charlotte is happier than I’ve ever seen her. You’re right that we don’t deserve it, but that goes for you as well. You don’t deserve this. Robbie is a bully, and he can’t stand it because you were brave enough to stand up to him, so he’s trying to scare you’  
‘Well he succeeded Bernie’

Serena withdrew from Bernie’s embrace and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. Bernie noticed she still wouldn’t look at her so she took the initiative yet again and grabbed Serena’s hands while they were poised in mid-air, forcing her to look in Bernie’s direction. But Serena immediately removed her hands, focusing on Bernie’s trainers, as if they were the most interesting thing since sliced bread.

‘Have you told the police about this?’  
‘No… I’m too sacred and too ashamed’  
‘It’s intimidation and harassment Serena. You have to’  
‘I don’t and I won’t. What do you think they will do to you, Ellie and Charlotte if I speak out? Bernie, I can’t watch you get hurt. This is the only way to keep you all safe.’  
‘It isn’t Serena. Please. Trust me when I say… he can’t get to you from prison’  
‘But he did. He got this to me. Bernie, I love you I really do, but I need to protect you.’  
‘And who’s going to protect you Serena?’  
‘I’ll be fine’  
‘No you won’t. It nearly killed you last time… you wouldn’t cope again. I love you; I cannot sit by and let you end this.’  
‘We don’t have a choice Bernie.’  
‘There’s always a choice. You’re taking the easy option of running away, when you could choose to face it head on.’  
‘Face it? I can’t face it head on, not on my own. I need to run away, it’s the easiest thing.’

Bernie took one of Serena’s hands, squeezing it gently.  
‘You are not on your own Serena. We can face this together. Ellie, Charlotte, me and you. Together, as a family. I love you, you love me. What is stopping us? Robbie is a minor bump in the road. We can do this together Serena. Please trust me’  
‘My head says this is a bad idea Bernie. Robbie will never back down’  
‘Don’t listen to your head. What does your heart say?’

Serena hesitated for a moment, closing her eyes and regaining her composure. She was silent for a while, and Bernie watched her with a look of hope and fear on her face- afraid that Serena would reject her again. But when Serena opened her eyes, all fears of rejection were alleviated. There was a steely determination in Serena’s eyes that hadn’t been there a moment prior. 

‘I don’t want to run away Bernie. The only thing I want to run to is you.’  
‘Does that mean you want to do this together?’  
‘As long as we do this together. Because I can’t do it on my own.’  
‘I will be with you every step of the way I promise Serena. I love you’  
‘I love you too’


	28. Test Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has supported me with this fic. I am absolutely loving the reception it's had. Sorry for the slow update, am currently on my holiday. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
> 
> Bernie has Elinor's test results. She also has news for Serena.

Serena sat in the waiting room, her breath the only sound as she tried to regulate her heartbeat. Bernie had been called away to get the test results for Elinor. She might be in a relationship with Serena but at present she was still Elinor's consultant. 

Serena could feel her heartbeat under her jumper, it was going ten to the dozen. Please let Elinor's chemo have worked. Then they could move on to the consolidation therapy- the radiation therapy and cancer drugs. Ellie had been through so much with her chemo- Serena could only hope that it hadn't been in vain. 

'Serena?' A voice in the doorway interrupted Serena' prayers. Bernie was stood in the doorway, her hair messy as if she'd been raking her hands through it.   
'Well...'  
'Mr Levy got Elinor's results back. I asked if I could be the one to break it to you. He wasn'tkeen when I informed him about us, but I made a deal with him'  
'A deal?'  
'We'll discuss that later. The biopsy we did- Elinor's platelet levels are up.'  
'Up? What does that mean?'  
'She's in remission Serena. Elinor is in remission. We move on to the consolidation phase'

Serena peered at Bernie wide eyed and gasped out loud, as her legs buckled underneath her. Bernie rushed forwards and caught Serena before she hit the floor.

Sinking to the floor together, Bernie wrapped her arms around Serena, cuddling her close.   
'It's okay, I've got you'  
'She is really going to be okay?'  
'Still a way to go but the prognosis is positive. She's a fighter, just like her Mum'  
'I... I don't know what to say'  
'You don't have to say anything'  
'Yes I do'

Serena pulled back from Bernie, looking deep into her eyes.   
'Thank you'  
'What are you thanking me for?'  
'For everything you've done. Four weeks ago, I thought my life was ending when she was diagnosed. But in a way I'm glad... Because I never would have met you. Thank you. You've been a god send even before me and you. I couldn't have done it without you'

Bernie's smile widened as she leant her forehead against Serena's, breathing in the smell that was just so Serena.   
'You could have done it without me Serena, you're stronger than you know. But you won't have to do the rest of it by yourself. I'm a support for both you and Ellie, even though I'm technically not her doctor anymore'  
'What do you mean?'  
'Mr Levy will be handling the rest of her treatment. The relationship between me and you complicates things, I couldn't be Elinor's doctor as well, so I decided to step down'  
'But why?'

Bernie captured Serena's hands in her own, intertwining their fingers and staring for a quiet moment.  
'Because I've come to realise that I have more of a personal need than a professional one. I love you, I love Ellie. Being her doctor would have blurred the lines even more, so I've taken a step back. Cutting down my workload also means I get to spend more time with my family, and right now that's all I want'  
'Bernie... I...'  
'Serena, what is it?'  
'I.... I hope one day you.... could maybe accept me and Ellie... as family'  
'Serena, you are my family. Me, you, Ellie and Charlotte. Our family. That's what I meant'

Serena's mouth stretched into a grin and she threw her arms around Bernie. Happy, they embraced tightly for a moment before Bernie looked at her watch, and reluctantly pulled away.   
'We better go and tell Ellie. Then I have to escort you back to the ward and get Ellie home. I think Natalie deserves a night off, do you mind?'  
'No, of course not. Look after her, she's more important than me'  
'You are just as important I promise'

Bernie and Serena stood up and dusted themselves down. Serena slowly extended her hand for Bernie, who's smile widened. Taking the hand, she squeezed it in reassurance and the two of them went to the ward to give Elinor the good news. 

Good news it was indeed, but the happy atmosphere wouldn't last very long. Ellie wasn't out of the woods yet. There's also unresolved business with Robbie. He wouldn't relinquish control of Serena without a fight.

Would Bernie and Serena be brave enough to overcome the dark clouds hanging over them?


	29. Unit

As soon as Bernie and Serena entered the ward, Serena caught sight of her daughter curled up beneath her sheets and she broke down in tears. She looked so beaten down and worn out by it all- Serena hadn’t realised just how much her daughter had changed in the couple of weeks since she had seen her. 

‘She’s so thin… she’s almost skin and bones’ Serena whispered to Bernie, her grip suddenly like vice on her hand.   
‘It’s the chemo, it’s normal Serena I promise’  
‘I’ve missed out on all of this. What kind of mother am I?’  
‘The best I’ve ever come across Serena. I mean that, you know I do’  
‘But…’  
‘Serena, there wasn’t much you could do. You’re beating yourself up for nothing. She’s through the worst. And you will be by her side for the rest of the journey’  
‘We both will…’

Bernie squeezed Serena’s hand that told Serena she would be with her every step of the way. Bernie always knew what to say or do to reassure Serena- even after Serena had tried to keep her away by restraining herself. Bernie could reassure Serena without so much as opening her mouth. 

‘So… what do we have here?’  
Serena and Bernie turned around to see Fletch stood behind them, his arms folded across his chest. Looking at the hardness in his eyes, Serena began to feel she’d committed some kind of crime, and began to withdraw her hand. Bernie gripped her even tighter, refusing to be pushed aside anymore. She stood up a little taller and for a moment, the three of them stared dumbfounded each other before Fletch couldn’t keep up the pretence anymore, and succumbed to his laughter. 

‘Your face Serena…’  
‘Wait, what?’  
‘It’s none of my business, but you two seem to make a very striking couple. You look good together.’  
‘You know?’  
‘Bernie, we’re standing in the middle of the ward holding hands. I’d have thought it was obvious.’  
‘Well, it was Serena. But I knew anyway, Raf can’t keep a secret. He did tell me you had some kind of disagreement, but that seems to be sorted out now. And he’s also looking for you. Apparently, you were due back a while ago Serena’  
‘I got… um… waylaid’

Fletch widened his smile as Bernie choked back the giggle that had risen in her throat.   
‘Is that what you’re calling it Serena?’  
‘What? No! No! Not like that. I got Ellie’s results’  
‘So I heard. I’m so pleased it was the good news we were all hoping for’  
‘We?’  
‘Yes, we were all hoping for a positive outcome. Bernie is invested in this case for obvious reasons, but your daughter has touched all of us Serena. She’s got such spirit, and she’s a fighter.’  
‘A trait she inherited from her brilliant mother’ Bernie interjected, wrapping an arm around Serena’s shoulder and pulling her even closer.   
‘Right you are Ms Wolfe. Your daughter is one of those children that I will always remember. A child who makes my job worth it Serena. Everybody here was rooting for a happy ending, and it seems you got it, in more ways than one’ He pointed to their embrace and squeezed Bernie’s shoulder, before his pager went off and he had to go. 

Serena felt strange. She felt almost at peace for the first time ever. She wasn’t used to getting so many compliments, and from people who owed her nothing. But then the moment was over, as she heard the one voice behind her that she had been waiting to her for weeks.   
‘Mum!’

Bernie unhooked her arm from Serena’s shoulder and watched as Serena raced across the ward and enveloped her daughter into a tight hug. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched them embracing fiercely, like it was the last time they were ever going to be near each other again. She began to retreat from the ward, deciding to give them both some space, but then Serena turned around and beckoned her over. Smiling, she walked over and saw Elinor smiling at the two of them. 

‘Hello sleepyhead… how are you?’  
‘I’m still tired Bernie, but I’m okay.’  
‘Ellie… I need to tell you something. Bernie got your biopsy results’  
‘My test results? Mum?’  
‘You’re in remission Ellie.’  
‘Re what?’  
‘It means you’re getting better. Darling you did it, I’m so proud of you’  
‘I… I’m going to be okay Mum.’  
‘Yes sweetheart’

Elinor threw her arms around her Mum again, and then smiled at Bernie.   
‘Thank you Bernie’  
‘What are you thanking me for sweetheart?’  
‘For making me better, Charlotte was right’  
‘Charlotte?’  
‘She said she thought you were magic’  
‘Did she?’  
‘Well Charlotte is right Ellie. Bernie is magic. We all think it’

Bernie looked over at Serena, surprised that she had spoken. Serena smiled back at her and the two of them stared at each other, which didn’t go unnoticed by Ellie.   
‘You made my Mum happy Bernie.’  
‘What makes you say that Ellie?’  
‘She can’t stop smiling at you. I’m not stupid’  
‘No Ellie, you’re definitely not. You’re my little girl, but you’re not a baby anymore. Yes, Bernie has made me happy sweetheart. Happier than I’ve ever been.’ Serena felt for Bernie’s hand, taking it palm up and interlacing their fingers together.   
‘Do you two love each other?’  
‘Yes’ they both answered simultaneously and without hesitation.   
‘Are you going to get married?’

Serena burst into laughter and raised her hands in the air, in a surrender motion. Bernie shook her head fondly. Elinor was definitely her mother’s daughter.   
‘What’s with the Spanish Inquisition? I think it’s too early to say anything about getting married Ellie. But when I’m better and out of hospital we will be staying with Bernie, is that okay with you?’  
‘Yes! Please don’t go back to Robbie, I hate him.’  
‘You and me both Ellie.’  
‘He didn’t like me’  
‘I know, and I’m sorry’  
‘It’s okay Mum. He’s not a very nice person.’  
‘No he isn’t’

‘Bernie?’  
‘Yes sweetheart?’  
‘You won’t wait too long to marry my mum will you. That means me and Charlotte can be sisters forever.’

Bernie widened her smile. She knew they would be okay. A family unit. That’s what she had- finally.


	30. Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the radio silence guys- had a bit of writers block on how to carry this on. My good friend Rachel helped me to write this, because I was struggling a little bit. Hope you all enjoy it.

Serena continued to grow stronger with each passing day. She had everything to fight for now- Ellie was in remission and was getting stronger as well. And Bernie. Well Bernie was her everything now. It had taken Serena by complete surprise- after all they had hardly known each other very long, but that didn’t matter. She felt as if she’d known her and been in love with her forever. She couldn’t explain it, but the weight of the love she felt was so overwhelming. 

As she lay in the bed in the hospital room, she reflected on the other two serious relationships she’d had in her life. First there was Edward- she had thought they were soulmates, they’d been childhood sweethearts. He’d been a wild young man- experimenting wildly at parties, but when Serena had fallen pregnant with Elinor, he’d been forced to calm down and play the family man. He’d fallen in love with Elinor the second she was born, and had been a great father to her. 

But then when she’d turned 4, her world had been blown apart. Edward had been killed in a car accident and she’d been left alone. But then, at his funeral, this woman called Liberty had introduced herself and revealed they’d been having an affair for 2 years. She had no sympathy for Serena and cruelly revealed that Edward had been planning to leave her and start a new life with Liberty. Serena’s world had crumbled even further around her, as she felt everything they’d built up had been a lie. 

If it hadn’t been for Elinor, Serena probably wouldn’t have had the courage to go on, and then Robbie had walked into her life. Serena had nothing to offer her daughter, and all she wanted was to make sure she was comfortable, and Robbie had made her all these promises about taking care of her. Serena had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. 

Almost immediately, she realised that Robbie wasn’t all he appeared. To the outside world, he would be the perfect gentleman, but behind closed doors he’d begun to reveal his true colours. Serena took what he threw at her, because he was true to his word, and looked after her and Elinor. She wanted for nothing. She cooked and cleaned, and kept his bed warm at night, but that was her lot. It was her box, and if she dared step outside it, Robbie made sure she knew where she was. 

None of her relationships had been the best, and yet while Serena thought she loved Edward and maybe even Robbie at the start, neither of them were anything- anything compared to the love she felt for Bernie. But then again, love never felt the same for two same people- but somehow, Serena knew that what she felt for Bernie was complete and utter true love. 

How could she put it into thoughts that made sense? Love meant so much to different people. For some, love would grow and ebb like the tide. For others it came like a storm, leaving destruction in the wake. It could warm you in its embrace or burn you with its bitterness. You never know you’re in love until you completely are. That the pieces of your life suddenly make sense, and everything fits together. That was how Serena felt about Bernie. All of the above sensations, and they drove her wild, but she didn’t mind. 

Whenever she said Bernie’s name, she felt powerful and whenever Bernie said her name, she felt like she could do anything, it made her feel strong. Everytime their hands met, Serena felt a surge of electricity, her palms began to sweat and the butterflies were back in the pit of her stomach. Bernie was the light to her dark, her first port of call. How was it possible to love someone this much after such a short space of time? Serena didn’t know, but she had decided a while ago to stop second guessing her head and follow her heart- whatever may be on the horizon for her. 

‘Earth to Serena?’ Bernie had pushed open the door to Serena’s room, one hand behind her back but she’d been stopped short by watching Serena in the bed. Fixated, she had watched her for several minutes, just lying there. How much love she felt for this woman? Bernie had already tried to describe the love she felt, but she couldn’t. She had accepted that a greater force, bigger than the two of them had decided to let them be together and that was okay with her. 

‘B… Bernie… how long have you been there?’ Serena jumped when she heard Bernie’s voice, sure she had imagined it before she saw the blonde in the doorway, one hand hidden behind her back. 

‘Long enough. What were you thinking about?’

‘Nothing much. You, like per normal’ 

‘Really?’

‘Really really. Are you going to stand there all day, or are you actually going to come in?’

‘Yes miss’ Bernie grinned, coming into the room and closing the door behind her. Serena observed as she kept her hand hidden from view. 

‘What have you got there?’

‘Got where?’

‘Behind your back. You know what I mean Bernie’

‘You want to see?’

‘I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t. Come on Wolfe, spit it out, whatever it is’

‘Wolfe? Trying that are we Campbell?’

‘Bernie… come on. Tell me’

‘Okay’ 

Bernie walked over to the bed and perched on the end of it. Bringing her hand from behind her back, Serena stared confused at the piece of paper in Bernie’s hand.

‘What is that?’

‘It’s a piece of paper Serena’

‘Seriously Bernie…’

‘Serena, are you always this impatient?’

‘You haven’t seen anything darling…’ Serena’s eyes widened as the term of endearment slipped out. She needn’t have worried. Bernie’s smile widened as she slipped one hand into Serena’s, using the other one to point to the top of the paper, drawing Serena’s attention to it. 

‘Discharge Notice…’ Serena read blankly, not taking it in until she saw Bernie bursting with excitement. Finally, joining the dots together she realise what Bernie was getting at. 

‘Am I going home?’  
‘Raf is on his way to tell you himself… but he said I could come and show you the sheet of paper. I couldn’t wait to show you Serena. You’re getting out of here, and we’re going to be together, properly this time.’

‘Nothing standing in our way this time… touch wood’

‘Hey, none of that Serena Campbell. We will make this work. I know we will. I love you, you love me? What could possibly go wrong?’

‘Bernie, so much could go wrong. I don’t want to screw this up. It means too much to me’

‘Serena, stop worrying. We can do this together, I know. Just keep the faith and stop being so negative. Ellie and Charlotte are getting along like a house on fire. They are like sisters. Ellie still hopes one day they might be.’

‘Does she?’

‘Yes. She wants the family you are on the verge of having. Please, just stop worrying and follow your advice?’

‘My advice?’

‘Of being brave. Happiness is within catching distance Serena. Don’t let your doubts spoil this. Follow your advice and your heart. I know you want this too’

‘I do… I really do’

‘Well then’ Bernie didn’t need to say anything else as she closed the gap between the two of them. The gravity of their lips was inescapable as the two of them moved as close as they could to each other. Unlike the other kisses they’d exchanged, this lit a fire in Serena. It was the first one that had left her feeling completely winded but craving another one. The first time she’d been disappointed after the euphoric moment had ended. The first time she’d wanted to go to the next level. And that was a thought that made her shudder- with nerves, apprehension or fear she couldn’t be sure. 

‘I love you’ Bernie whispered breathlessly, pausing only to look deep into Serena’s eyes. Melting when Bernie stared her, Serena barely stammered out the words before falling back into the kiss

‘I love you too’


	31. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just a little filler before the next plotline comes to pass- hope you all like it.

The night passed by very slowly, with Serena counting sheep to try and fall asleep. The cool night air blew in through the open window as Serena tossed and turned, trying to fall asleep but somehow unable to get comfortable. Seeing the silhouettes of skyline illuminated in the shimmering pool of moonlight made her smile. She was incredibly lucky to be privy to this view. With each hour that passed, sleep continued to evade her as the dawn crept ever closer. 

But Serena didn’t mind about the dawn drawing ever closer- it was what she was waiting for. It was almost like the night before your birthday or Christmas, you can’t sleep because you’re too excited and then the night seems to never end. For when the dawn broke, the nightmare she’d been living for the past few weeks would be over, and the next chapter of her life could begin- just her, Bernie and their girls. 

***********************

The wind pushed against the grass like a child sending dandelion seeds on their way. Above the white wisps trail, the late spring sun covered Bernie in a surprising and welcoming warmth as good as caramel over a harvest apple. Her watch said it was near noon, yet how was that possible? She had lay down here at eight, after a night of tossing and turning, yet four hours had been slept away from her frugal attitude. With a long breath in, Bernie could detect the tell-tale signs that her brain was still waking, there were the remnants of a dream, grasping to remain. Then, she remembered where she is supposed to be at this time and before she allows herself to fall asleep again, her feet were on the padded white carpet, and she’s racing down the stairs cursing with her for being so stupid.

Today was supposed to be the day of their new life together- Serena was being discharged finally and now she had fallen asleep. She’d been so excited and had been awake until the early hours dreaming up endless possibilities of what their life might be like, but here she was, running late before they’d even started. What must Serena be thinking? She should have been to pick her up by now. They were going via Robbie’s so Serena could collect hers and Ellie's things. He was safe in prison so they were safe to come and go. Bernie couldn’t wait for this to be over. She and Serena were just about to start. Finally. 

**********************  
‘I’m so sorry….’ Bernie went rushing into the room full of apologies, when she was suddenly caught short by the sight of Serena in the hospital bed. Rolled onto her side, Serena’s features were softer in her sleep, the worry lines that were usually etched across her face had been replaced by a look of complete peacefulness and serenity. Obviously deep in the land of dreams, Bernie couldn’t bring herself to wake her up from her slumber, instead placing herself in the chair next to the bed and wrapping her hand tightly into Serena’s, allowing her presence to seep into the subconscious. 

Half an hour later, Raf came in to check whether Serena was ready to be discharged. He shook his head fondly when he saw what met his eyes. Bernie and Serena both fast asleep, their hands still clasped tightly around each other, even in their sleep. It was as if they were afraid to lose their grip on each other. Raf watched them for a minute, thinking of the changes he had seen in Bernie over the last few weeks. He had worked with her for three years and had never seen her have such an established connection with anyone before- Serena was obviously a very special lady. Bernie was a formidable doctor and had a very feisty personality. Raf had always struggled to envisage as the vulnerable and nurturing mother. But that was a picture that apparently Serena saw and not only understood, but brought out of Bernie.  
Smiling, he shut the door behind him and left the two of them to sail away on the sea of their dreams. 

Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can ladies, because you never know what lies around the corner, and while you are sailing now, very soon, you will be treading water to survive, as the tide refuses to relinquish its grip on you both.


	32. Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait... have been extremely busy with college work and my charity bungee jump. Thought these two were about due some fluff. Hope you enjoy it.

Serena was the first one to wake up, the sunlight streaming through the blinds, obscuring her vision temporarily as she blinked in the brightness of the room. She didn’t remember falling asleep- the last thing she remembered was the sky turning lighter and a chorus of birdsong. She must have dropped off at some point. 

As her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she glanced around the room and was shocked to find Bernie asleep, slumped on the bed, her face in contact with the bedsheets and their hands clasped. Bernie must have come in while she was asleep and waited for her to wake up, but she’d dropped off in the process. 

Serena’s heart skipped a beat when she looked at Bernie- then she remembered that she was supposed to be discharged today. Well that was if Bernie would only wake up… then they could get out of here and put the last few weeks behind them… and look towards the future in front of them.

Bernie was clinging to Serena’s hand so tight, Serena knew there would be no feeling left in it, but she didn’t care. The fact Bernie was gripping her hand so tightly just reaffirmed in her mind that her feelings were reciprocated and not just one-sided. Which was totally worth the current numbness in her hand. 

****************

Serena had been watching Bernie sleep for about half an hour, when the door was pushed open. Raf popped his head around the door and seeing Serena was awake, he came in. He saw Bernie was still asleep and he smiled fondly. 

‘She is a friend of yours isn’t she?’ Serena saw Raf’s mouth stretch into a smile

‘Yes, I wouldn’t say we were extremely close but I’ve worked with her for three years. You are the first person I’ve seen her get close too. She is a fierce professional and refuses to get involved in personal problems, until you.’

‘Me? What’s so special about me?’

‘Well Bernie obviously sees something special in you Serena. The way she was when your heart stopped. I’ve never seen anything like it from her- she was a mess. I had suspected for a while that you both liked each other, but then I knew I was right. She said we had to keep going, and when we almost stopped, she collapsed to the floor. And you obviously love her as well, because the increased distance between you last week took its toll on you as hard as it hit her. Take it from me; Bernie Wolfe doesn’t behave like this for anyone just ordinary Serena’

‘I can hear you, you know’ Bernie mumbled sleepily as she began to stir. Serena gripped her hand even tighter and Bernie squeezed back just as hard. 

‘You’re awake finally then’ 

‘So it would appear Raf’

Bernie sat up in the chair, feeling a crick in her neck from where she’d been slumped for a while. Stretching, she let go of Serena’s hand momentarily but as soon as she was done, she grabbed them both and kissed the back of them, making Serena shiver and grin sheepishly. 

‘I came to check whether you were ready to be discharged earlier, but you were both asleep. I figured I would check again, because I know how eager you are to both get Serena out of here.’

‘You can say that again Raf. I need to be with Ellie… I have never spent this amount of time away from her before. So, can I go home now?’

‘I should think so. We need the bed, so if you give me a minute, I’ll go and fetch the nurse to talk you through your meds. I’ll be right back’ Raf left the room- Bernie stared after him for a minute, when Serena began to pull her hand. 

‘Serena?’ What is it?’

‘Did you hear what Raf said about you?’

‘Yes, he woke me up. I heard his whole speech, and let me say, he was spot on’

‘About what?’

‘I heard you ask what was special about you. His answer was spot on- I don’t fall in love easily and I never let it interfere with my work, but then you. Serena, Raf was right. I am not like this for anyone that’s ordinary. You’re special…’

‘Don’t say that’

‘Say what?’

‘That I’m special’

‘But you are special’

‘Robbie always used to say that to me before he hit me. He hit me because I was special’

‘Serena, listen to me. Robbie is out of your life now. He said you were special to victimise you, I say it because I love you. There’s a big difference. Believe me, you are special. You are so much more than you think you are Serena, I just wish you could see what I see’

‘And what’s that?’

‘A woman, who despite everything the last few months has thrown at you, hasn’t given up. A woman who continues to surprise me every day. And most important, the woman I love. That’s what I mean by special Serena, because you are so special to me, and you always will be in my eyes, despite how you choose to see yourself.’

'Bernie, stop it, you'll make me cry'

'Good, as long as they are happy tears and not sad tears, because I think we've both cried enough sad tears to last us a lifetime. My well is dry anyway'

'Bernie, I...'

'What is it?'

'I... I feel special when I'm around you. In a way that is good, not bad.'

Bernie reached up and placed a hand on Serena's cheek, caressing it. 

'Good, because that's how I want you to feel. You are very special to me'

'You're the special one Bernie, not me.'

'How about we just agree that we are both special and leave it at that?'

'Okay'


	33. Fear

The car journey home was surprisingly silent. Bernie was watching the road, and Serena seemed to be wrapped up in her own thoughts. She hadn’t said a word since she’d signed the discharge forms. Bernie had been so excited about getting Serena home, but now it seemed Serena was having doubts. Leaving the hospital, Bernie had put her hand in Serena’s, only for Serena to pull away without saying a word. Crestfallen, Bernie had hurried on ahead, struggling to hide the tears in her eyes. 

Bernie made the decision there and then to ask Serena. Pulling the car off the dual carriageway and into the car park, she turned off the ignition. Serena was suddenly aware that the car had stopped moving and she looked up expecting to be outside Bernie’s house, but they weren’t- they were in a car park. 

‘Bernie? Why did you stop, is everything okay?’

‘No Serena, not really’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Isn’t that a question I should be asking you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Care to tell me why you pulled away from me in the hospital’

‘I… I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry’

‘Do you realise how much that hurt me and upset me? I have been so excited about you coming home and now it’s happening, you seem to be withdrawing. Are you having second thoughts?’

‘I…’

‘I take it that is my answer. I knew this was too good to be true.’

‘Bernie, I’m not having doubts. I’m just scared’

‘Of what?’

‘Losing you, hurting you, ruining this. I’m rubbish at relationships and now I’m out of hospital everything has suddenly become real. Bernie, I am not having doubts about us. I know what I want, and that is you, but I am just scared now that I’ve been discharged everything intensifies’

‘But why did you pull away from me Serena?’

‘I… Bernie, I was feeling scared and rubbish. I felt your hand on mine and I didn’t want to let you feel my fear so I pulled away’

‘Oh Serena, I don’t care if I feel your fear. I thought you’d pulled away because you didn’t want me anymore’

Serena immediately reached out and covered Bernie’s hand with her own   
‘Not now, not ever will I stop wanting you, okay?’

‘Okay’ Bernie squeezed Serena’s hand delicately

‘Home?’ 

‘Home’ said Bernie, flashing Serena a smile and turning the engine back on. As she reversed the car around, she felt Serena’s hand on her thigh. 

‘I do love you, you know that right?’

‘I believe you have mentioned it once or twice Serena. You know I love you as well’

‘I do’

*********************

‘Hi there madam, how may I help you?’

‘Hello. I am sorry to bring the children with me, but I wasn’t sure what else to do’

‘That’s not a problem don’t worry. How can I help you Miss…’

‘Johnson. Miss Johnson. I may be worrying about nothing, but this is so unlike her.’

‘I don’t understand Miss Johnson’

‘Sorry. My boss never came home today. She always lets me know when she is on her way home, I’m her nanny for her daughter’

‘So, who is the other child?’

‘That is her partners daughter. Her partner was discharged from hospital this afternoon and they were on their way back, but they never came back.’

‘May I have their names please?’

‘Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell. The girls are asking for their mothers and I don’t know what to say to them.’

‘Don’t worry, you’ve come to the right place. I will talk to my officers, who will come and take some more details. We will start with the missing persons report’


	34. Obsessed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou to all those who continue to leave kudos and their lovely comments on this fic, both on facebook and on here. I have taken this storyline in a different direction now- I hope you all enjoy it x

Bernie wasn’t aware of where she was or how she’d come to be here, but the fact that every fibre in her being was telling her to get out of this place wasn’t a good sign. Why was her memory so hazy? Every time she tried to recall anything, her mind was a mass of fog. She’d woken up not long ago, her vision obscured by the blindfold loosely tied around her eyes. Rough hands had dragged her upright and pulled the blindfold off her as she had struggled, finding her hands tied too. 

As the blindfold had been ripped from her eyes, she had taken in her new surroundings- a square room, with one door and a bolted window. A mattress and a bucket lay one end of the room. Bernie was suddenly aware of someone behind her, and she was suddenly frightened. 

W… W… What am I doing here?’ she stammered out quietly, wanting to know who she was dealing with and what she had done that warranted being treated like a piece of meat. 

‘All in good time sweetheart I promise.’ Came a voice from behind her. She didn’t know the voice, and the voice didn’t know her. 

‘Who are you?’

‘That doesn’t matter. It is not me who has the problem with you’

‘Are you sure?’ Bernie retorted sarcastically, and then yelped as the unknown assailant behind her grabbed a handful of her blonde hair and pulled hard, their grip like nails digging into a scalp- rough and uninviting. 

‘I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that’

‘That’s better. You need to remember your manners Bernie’

‘I… I am sorry’

‘That’s quite alright. Like I said, it isn’t me that has a problem with you. Mr Medcalf will be along shortly to see you’

Medcalf? Now why did that name sound familiar? Even as Bernie raked over her memories, the feeling of dread told her that it was an unpleasant familiar feeling. 

Then it hit her. 

The memories came flooding back to her in a rush as she remembered where she knew that name from. Serena. They’d been in the car on their way back from the hospital, when a car had slammed into the back of them, sending the car veering off the road. Luckily neither of them had been severely hurt, but Bernie vaguely remembered the car doors being thrown open and them both being dragged separately out of the car. The last thing Bernie could recall was a yellow rag being shoved in her face, and after that everything was black. 

‘Robbie…. He is behind this?’ She may have been asking the question, but deep down, she already knew the answer. ‘Oh my god, where’s Serena?’

‘Ah… I wondered when you were going to ask after your beloved Serena Campbell’

‘If he has hurt one hair on her head, I swear…’

‘You’ll what? You’re not going anywhere sweetheart, that’s what I’m here for’

‘Serena, is she okay?’

‘Yes. For now’

‘What does that mean?’

‘All in good time’

**************************

He watched Serena from behind the glass of the door and smiled. He had given her the personal treatment and carried her down to the basement, despite her feet dragging on every step almost unwilling to plunge into the depths of the darkness that awaited her below. He had placed her carefully into a relatively comfortable position and tied her up. He watched her and smiled as the light thrown out by the single lightbulb illuminated Serena’s skin and made it almost shimmer. He had her forever now. 

Some people would call him obsessed. He called it destiny.


	35. Broke Free

Bernie had been left alone with nothing but her thoughts and four walls for company. That wasn’t a good combination at the best of the times, but especially now. In her book, it equated with being handed a loaded gun. How many ways did she imagine Robbie torture Serena? Why would he do this to them both?

Well that answer was one thing that Bernie was infinitely sure of. He was obsessed with Serena and couldn’t let her go. He wasn’t in his right mind and that just made him more dangerous, because in Bernie’s eyes nobody had any idea of what he was capable of. Bernie was frightened for herself but mainly for Serena. She had been the one that had rejected him and she was the one that he would be angry with. But then again, he would blame Bernie. He would say that she manipulated Serena into leaving him. She knew she hadn’t, all she had done had fallen in love with her- neither of them had asked to feel like this. 

******************************

Bernie had been curled up on the mattress in her room for what seemed like an eternity when she heard a key in the lock. The door opened, and in came the man she had had the exchange with. He was carrying a plate and a mug. 

‘What is going on? Please, can’t you just let me go?’

‘Sorry sweetheart, no can do. I’m on orders from Mr Medcalf.’

‘Why is he doing this? Serena doesn’t want him. She chose me… he will just have to accept it’

‘I hardly think you are in a position to start making suggestions Bernie, do you?’

‘It will just be easier for everyone if he does. Serena loves me and I love her, nothing can change that. I know it must be hard for him but he will have to live with the fact Serena doesn’t want him.’

‘Oh I will, will I? Robbie walked into the room, catching Bernie unawares and unprepared. ‘Why is that, please enlighten me…’

‘Because… because she doesn’t love you. You hurt her and upset her. That’s not loving her Robbie. That’s called controlling and bullying. She broke free of you, don’t drag her back down’

‘And that’s what you think I’m doing is it? Serena isn’t the problem, you are’

‘Me?’

‘Everything was fine until you came along. You manipulated her and took advantage of her when she was vulnerable. You brainwashed her… this isn’t love. Serena isn’t queer… she is as straight as they come. What you two have is infatuation nothing more. What Serena needs is to be broken free from the chains you are keeping her in and then she will be back to normal, that I can guarantee’

‘Oh you can, can you? It’s only in your crazy and warped mind that Serena could possibly be brainwashed. You’ve never even considered the fact that she might love me. Face it Robbie, she doesn’t want you’

‘Oh she will when you are no longer in the picture’

‘No longer in the picture, what does that mean?’

‘Exactly what I said. Eat your food, may be the last thing you ever eat.’

‘What? Are you going to kill me?’

‘All in good time I promise’

Bernie watched in dismay as Robbie left the room, chuckling to himself. Robbie really was one sandwich short of a picnic- what could she do to stop him? Her eyes fell to the floor, and it hit her. She knew what she had to do, because by forcing Serena to follow her heart, they may both well pay with their lives.


End file.
